The Shattering
by ncischick09
Summary: The life of an NCIS agent is dark and depressing. What happens when the one thing that makes it worthwhile is taken away, by one of the people you trust the most?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok, so this is my first attempt at Fanfic, please be gentle! The usual disclaimers apply!**

It had been the kind of day that leaves a person completely exhausted. Not the good, burning physical kind of exhaustion, but the utterly mind-crushing numbness associated with deep emotional and mental turmoil. Tony wouldn't have felt this way had he caused his own pain. That he could deal with in his own juvenile manner. He'd done it before. He always found a way to muddle through when his parents left him to fend for himself, when he blew out his knee and dashed his hopes of a professional career, when he shot his first criminal, when a guilty man first walked free because of his mistake, when Gibbs had been particularly belligerent with him, when Kate died. That was a turning point in his life. That was a turning point in the way he handled things from that point on. It only went downhill from there. There were more friends murdered in the line of duty, more innocent victims to photograph and sketch, more criminals to interrogate and arrest.

The only bright spot in the dimmest of days was her. And that was one of the reasons Kate's death had been a turning point in his life. It wasn't just the loss. It was the gain of her. His Nonna had always said that when a person is taken away in a family, God replaces them. He had never believed the idea until the day Ziva David walked into his life. In the midst of his distrust, his grief, and his anger, she made him smile. In the freezing rain on one of the most depressing nights of his life, she made herself emotionally vulnerable to him and they shared a bond. It was a bond of sorrow, of death, to be sure, but perhaps that was the reason it was so strong to begin with. In the five years since she first walked into his life, they had been through it all. People who are in this line of work detach easily from their emotions. They have to, or they don't make it. In spite of this fact, Tony and Ziva were close. They kept a strange dichotomy of detachment and attachment. Their whole team was close, but not in the same way as Tony and Ziva. It went beyond trust, beyond partnership, beyond friendship. They were of one mind. And in spite of the breach of trust that occurred after the Rivkin fiasco and the permanent change in both of them after Somalia, their relationship had withstood these ultimate tests only to become stronger. The days of forced detachment were over. No longer would they afford the luxury of Rule 12. No longer would the naivete of tomorrow ever come between them.

It had taken months of repair and careful, slow admissions. And then there was Paris. For once, Tony did not want to live out a cinematic fantasy. It couldn't be Casablanca. He wouldn't let it. And thankfully, neither would she. Drama and romance wasn't their style. No one in the office knew, although everyone had suspected for years. They went from simply being partners to being partners in every sense of the word. The day that she said her ring size out loud, he knew. And no one seemed to think it was out of place when she began to wear a diamond on her finger, not even a month later. And it just was. And it was good. Until tonight.

Tony replayed the scene again in his mind. It was permanently etched onto his brain like the films that he idolized. In fact, the whole scene played out in horrifically slow motion as he watched it.

_He had gone to Gibbs' after the fight. She had left the apartment, first, and in his utter shock he went where he always went for commiseration. On autopilot, he opened the door and went to the basement, where he expected to have a bourbon, have a headslap, and go back to Ziva to work it out. Instead, what he saw froze him from his position halfway down the steps. There, amidst the sawdust, the boat skeleton, and the dim basement light were his fiancée and his boss. Kissing. They were sitting on the floor, facing each other. Her hand was on his cheek. He couldn't tell if her tongue had penetrated his mouth, but it certainly wasn't the chaste father-daughter interaction he knew existed between them. Tony never made a sound. Simply turned on his heel and walked back the way he came. _

He knew that his heart had stopped beating when he heard Gibbs tell the team that the Damocles had no survivors. He knew that tonight it had shattered into millions of irreparable pieces.

**So, that's my first attempt! I thought I'd jump right in after months of critiquing your work and put my feet on the other side of the fence! I actually got this idea from a dream I had after reading, like, 24 hours straight of fanfic! Let me know if you'd like me to continue, and what I can improve upon! Wow, I'm so nervous! :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, you asked for it…so, here goes nothing! I'm going to try a slightly different style, here, upon a suggestion from a friend, so let me know what you think. It may make it seem a bit disjointed from the first chapter, but let's just call this first story "experimental," shall we?**

Gibbs pulled away from Ziva's kiss in time to see feet slowly and silently dragging up his basement stairs. When Ziva noticed the direction of his gaze, she too, looked up in time to hear the front door slam. Gibbs squeezed his forehead with his palm and sighed, "Ziva, what did you do?"

He was so tired that he couldn't move. He was so tired that he couldn't sleep. His mind wouldn't stop replaying the events that had led him to this point of exhaustion. He was so freaking tired that he could not think of a single movie to compare his situation to. It was that bad. He didn't bother turning on the TV for a distraction. Nothing could distract his mind from where it lingered tonight. He wished he could think about it logically. Like McGeekwad, he wished he could analyze the situation to find the mathematical solution to his conundrum.

"Heh, McGeekwad. I'll have to remember that tomorrow. Conundrum, where'd I learn that word?"

And just as suddenly as the distraction came, it went. There it was again. _Ziva kissing Gibbs. Ziva's hand, touching Gibbs' cheek. Ziva's hand, holding Gibbs' face to hers. Ziva's left hand. Without a ring. Where was Ziva's ring?_ Tony rubbed his forehead. And there it was, again. The pain in his head reminded him. She had thrown her engagement ring at him, hitting him square between the eyes. It had hurt more than any blade ever could. And yet, he tried to convince himself that this was deserved. How did Ziva put it, when he found her in the desert desert? _It was justified._

Justified. Such a small word, and yet it was so powerful. It was so appropriate. Short of Ziva tracking down Jeanne and murdering her, he could think of nothing else more appropriate. But no, Jeanne would never attack Ziva. Jeanne hadn't used him, he had used her. So, no. Those two situations were entirely different. He honestly hadn't killed Rivkin for any reason other than self-defense. But, he was such an idiot. Ziva was right. Ziva was always right. He could have simply stopped him, couldn't he? Did he have to kill him? Wouldn't a bullet in the knee have been enough? _She loved him._

Yes, this situation was completely justified. And yet, Tony knew in the back of his swimming mind that this was still better than Ziva being dead. This was still better than a watery grave that he could never visit and mourn at. Tony knew that in spite of the irreparable state of his heart, as long as Ziva was happy and healthy, he could go on. He would never love again, of course. If there was no longer a heart in his chest, how could he give it to anyone else?

"Where have I heard this theme before? Pirates! That's right! I'm Davy Jones!"

He was feeling better, already. Ziva was not dead. Ziva simply didn't want him. Yes, she had come back to America and to NCIS to settle down, as she put it. But, it could never be with him. How could it be with him? How could anyone love a man who had shot their lover? How could anyone be with a man who had betrayed what little trust she had left? How could Ziva have his baby? He never even realized he wanted it. He wanted all of it. The stupid, white picket fence, the dog, the screaming children, the "How was your day, dear?" It sounded so trite in his head that he laughed aloud.

"People like us don't get to live happily ever after," he muttered.

There were some wounds too deep. There were some scars that time could never possibly heal, only dull. There was no such thing as an unbreakable bond. If anything, their bond had been like steel. Heated enough and worked enough, and it simply deteriorated.

Look at Gibbs. He never got his happily ever after. _Gibbs. _Tony snorted aloud, in spite of himself. The ironic thing was, he wasn't even mad at Gibbs. It had never crossed his mind that this could be Gibbs' fault. It wasn't like Gibbs could make it work with Ziva. He hadn't made it work with any of his wives since Shannon. He was simply using those other women as a means to bury his own pain and move on with his long, lonely life. Tony would never do that. He'd seen how it failed. _Gibbs._ What was up with that? Ziva was like a daughter to Gibbs. How could he be making out with his daughter? Suddenly, he felt nauseous. Tony ran to the bathroom and heaved until there was nothing left. His stomach hurt from the force. He'd pulled a muscle in his neck. He suddenly felt so old. So alone. He curled up in the fetal position on the cold tile of the bathroom floor and replayed it in his mind again. _Ziva. Gibbs._ He sniffled. Tony hadn't realized when it started, but he was crying. He hadn't realized that someone had opened the front door, searched the apartment, and was now blocking the light from the hallway that filtered in through the bathroom door.

"Get up, Tony," Ziva whispered.

"I thought you _loved_ me…" Tony sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So, did no one pick up on the Rivkin quote from the last chapter? I have not yet decided how this is going to end, so I can still be persuaded.**

"Tony, get up off of the floor," Ziva said, padding quietly into the bathroom.

"_Why_, Ziva? Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve you walking away from us?" Tony sobbed whole-heartedly into his hands.

If Ziva had not known what Tony had witnessed in Gibbs' basement, she would have been utterly shocked. It was still shocking. It was unnerving, is what it was. It was making her rapidly lose resolve. Tony was not, by any stretch of the imagination, the strongest man she had ever known. Neither physically nor mentally. Still, she had never witnessed him crying. And this was far more than simple sobbing. What lay on the floor of their bathroom before her was a broken shell of a man that looked and sounded like Tony. This was not Tony. _Her _Tony could control his emotions. _Her_ Tony believed showing any emotion was as weak as she believed it was. And there it was. This man was not, could never be, _her_ Tony. That was the whole reason for this disgusting display. With the same blank look on her face that she wore when she walked in, Ziva walked back out of the bathroom. She walked into the bedroom that they had shared since their trip to Paris. _Paris._

"What a joke," Ziva muttered to herself, closing the door behind her.

Ziva turned on the iPod dock on the nightstand and blared the music. She couldn't hear Tony cry. She couldn't feel his pain. She couldn't feel anything. And there it was, again. _She couldn't feel a thing._ Ziva sank down on the bed by the suitcase she had pulled out and begun to throw clothes haphazardly into. Her mind flashed back to the events that had unfolded earlier that evening:

"_You don't get to fix me!" she screamed. "Don't you get it?" She struggled to pull the engagement ring from her swollen finger. "This is not some American sitcom in which everyone lives happily ever after!" She threw the ring, hitting him square between the eyes. She never missed. She never would miss. She would never change. The pomegranate couldn't fall that far from the tree. Tony simply stood, frozen to the ground. A thin trickle of blood ran down the side of his nose from the fresh wound where the prongs of the ring had dug into his flesh. Head wounds always bleed more. Ziva quietly continued, "My father told me that the opposite of love is not hate; it's apathy. I realized that what I feel for you is the same…apathy. I hated you for so long, for so much. When the hate stopped, I stupidly believed it had turned to love. Now, I know I was wrong. It had turned into apathy. I don't love you, Tony. I don't even hate you. I feel nothing for you. Nothing." Ziva calmly put her shoes and coat on, grabbed her keys, and walked out the door, locking it behind her as she usually did in the morning. It did not occur to her until she was already in the car and driving aimlessly that Tony had never moved, had never flinched, had never uttered one single word. He was so weak. He was just a stupid American. He could never be man enough for her. Sure, he liked to pretend. She was convinced that his exercise in the desert of Somalia was just some convoluted way for him to live out his Bond fantasies. Pretend. She was such a hypocrite. Isn't that what she'd been doing all this time since Somalia? Pretending. Pretending to love him. Pretending to be an NCIS agent. An investigator. Pretending to want a normal, happy life. Citizenship in a safe country, where food was plentiful and bombs were scarce. How stupid. How freaking stupid. And what is this? Anger? Anger over pretending? Anger over hypocrisy? Anger is not the opposite of apathy. Anger is more like hate. Hate is more like love. Ziva shut the car off and looked around. She had been so focused on her internal monologue that she did not notice where she'd been going. But, as the realization dawned on her, she opened the car door and walked up to the front door of the house, opening it quietly. As she descended the basement stairs she heard the unmistakable sounds of sanding, smelt the distinct aroma of bourbon mixed with sawdust, and saw the one person she thought might be able to help her out of the emotional grave she had been digging all day. _

Tony blinked groggily from his position on the floor. When had he fallen asleep? Why was he laying on the bathroom floor? Why did his head hurt so damn badly? He pushed himself up and turned on the faucet in the sink. And there it was. Perched on the side of the sink top was what looked very much like a pregnancy test. He gingerly picked it up and looked down at the small window. He wasn't a doctor, and his mind was still foggy, but he was pretty sure what the plus sign meant. As the rusty gears in his mind began to turn, he became consciously aware of loud music blaring from the bedroom. In his haste, he turned from the room not realizing he'd left the faucet running…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry about the delay, folks, but my kids have been sick and my laptop bit it over the weekend. I haven't been getting as much attention to this story as I would like, so I will probably wrap it up in the next chapter and call it a day.**

Tony was surprised to find the door to their bedroom unlocked, and still holding the pregnancy test, startled Ziva from her reverie. In his despair, he hadn't yet noticed the half-packed suitcase sitting on their bed nor did he any longer hear the loud, distorted music playing in the background.

"What the hell is this, Ziva?" Tony asked her quietly and held up the white stick.

Ziva just looked at Tony blankly and replied, "It is a pregnancy test, Tony."

Tony walked quickly to face Ziva on the side of the bed and dropped to his knees in front of her. "Yes, but is this baby mine?" His voice cracked on the last word and he braced himself for the confirmation that it was Gibbs' child she carried.

"There is, and has never been, anything between Gibbs and me, Tony."

Tony ran his hand through his hair as his mind spun out of control and fresh tears welled up in his eyes. "What is this all about, Zi? You must have taken this today. You practically attacked me when I got home tonight. And when I left the apartment, I found you and Gibbs…" Tony couldn't continue. The words, the thought, caught in his throat and forced him into a seated position on the floor in front of her. His sobs renewed as he bowed his head and he couldn't help wondering why the best news of his life was being celebrated in such a sick, twisted manner.

"Do not concern yourself. I am not having the baby; I have already decided."

Tony's head shot up and his eyes widened at her response. "What? Why?" He cried out.

"I have already explained it to you, Tony. You do not get to fix me." Ziva responded, still wearing an icy mask and tone.

"Didn't you just say that this baby was mine?" he whispered.

Ziva nodded her head in response.

"Then, shouldn't I be allowed to have a say in this?" he asked through clenched teeth. Tony realized that his heartbreak was rapidly turning to anger. Suddenly, he jumped up and began pacing around the bedroom. "Is that what you think this is? You think that I knocked you up purposely in some misguided effort to _fix you_?" he shouted and turned to face her again.

"No. But, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot be fixed. And that I have no right to bring an innocent child into this violent world." Ziva's eyes were beginning to betray the emotions swirling behind her stony face.

Tony froze where he was. And there it was. Tony suddenly realized that tonight's events had nothing to do with him or even with the baby. Ziva was just having another bad day. Where Gibbs fit into this picture, Tony couldn't yet say, but it honestly was the last thing on his mind after Ziva's revelation. Tony walked back over to where Ziva still sat on the side of the bed and once again dropped to his knees in front of her. He looked her in the eyes and wrapped his arms around her, trying to force her head into his neck. Ziva tensed and refused to nuzzle into him, so Tony began to speak softly instead.

"Zi, you can't keep doing this. You can't keep pushing me away when something sets you off. We've made so much progress since this summer, but we both know it wouldn't have happened without each other's support. We're going to be parents, now. We have to find a better way to deal with this."

"No, Tony, we are not going to be parents, now," Ziva argued. "I do not want this baby. It is not fair to our baby!"

"_Our baby_," Tony whispered in her ear. "Our baby is going to be just fine because I cannot think of another baby who is more wanted and who will be more loved. Zi, you thought you'd never be able to have children, that _we_ would never be able to have children. Don't you see what a blessing this is? Yes, we are going to have some bumps in the road, but what parents don't?"

"No, Tony, we will not have simply bumps in the road. We are damaged, you and I! We do not deserve to be given this blessing!" Ziva was crying quietly now into Tony's shoulder.

"We are damged, Zi, I won't deny it to you. But, I'd like to think all that we've been through has brought us where we are today. And that is here, in this moment, in each other's arms preparing for our first child. We're gonna make mistakes, of course we are! But, who better to prepare a child to live in this world than us? You can teach it how to defend itself with super secret ninja moves! I can teach it how to joke its way out of any amount of trouble! When do we get to find out if it's a boy or a girl?" Tony was rambling at top speed, now.

Ziva laughed into Tony's shoulder, in spite of herself, and sniffled loudly. She sat up and looked at the man in front of her. He'd come so far in the five years she'd known and come to love him. The Tony she first met would have been out the door after her first panic attack. Would have crumpled and thought that her first outburst was actually his fault. Would have moved on to the next bimbo twenty times over, by now. And the Tony that she loved now not only never batted an eye at the discovery of his impending fatherhood, but rather was focusing all his energy on consoling and encouraging her. She suddenly felt like she'd taken as many steps backwards in maturity as he had taken forward. And then it hit her. Gibbs. "_Oh my God, what have I done?"_ she thought to herself. _"And Tony has barely even mentioned it."_

"Tony, I…I want to talk to you about what you saw tonight," Ziva softly approached the subject. Tony suddenly tensed and brought his head up from Ziva's shoulder where he rested it as she thought. He withdrew his arms and stood stiffly. Ziva grimaced and stood up to follow his pacing around the room. She finally blocked his path and placed a hand on his chest to still his movements.

"Ziva, you've just given me the best gift tonight that anyone has ever given me. Please, can we not cheapen it with this discussion? Just for tonight. I can't. Please." Tony sounded so defeated, so suddenly void of mirth. He still had a difficult time being completely open and honest with her, as she did with him. They had kept their masks carefully in place for so long, that the habit died hard even as they pledged to move forward in their lives, together. The act of keeping the masks on during the day did little to help their efforts at home, but was a necessary evil to maintain the partnership that they cherished above all others.

"Yes, Tony, I suppose we should think about sleep sometime tonight," Ziva looked at the clock as she spoke. It was already 0300, and they had to be in the office by 0700 hours. Ziva knew that neither of them would sleep much tonight, but at least they would be lying awake together. Maybe they could do this, after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ok, I need to know what you want! I can go either way to make this a happy or angsty ending, but I am willing to do whichever my reviewers prefer, so let me know! :)**

Tony lay awake in bed, even though it was 0330, and he knew he had to be in the office by 0700. His mind just wouldn't let him sleep. The events and revelations of the evening kept replaying in his mind. His head was reeling so much that he honestly couldn't pinpoint any one way that he felt about any of it. He looked over at Ziva, who surprisingly wouldn't let him sleep on the couch tonight. Her breathing was even and she lie still, so he assumed she was asleep. Suddenly, Tony leaned over quietly and carefully and placed a gentle kiss on her stomach.

"I love you. And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, I promise. I'll be the father to you that Mommy and Daddy never had," he whispered as he caressed her still flat belly.

Ziva smiled, in spite of herself, and stroked Tony's hair. "You cannot make up for the mistakes of our fathers, Tony. You know that," she whispered back.

"I can try, Zi. All I ever do is try," Tony whispered, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry. I thought you were asleep."

"I'm a trained assassin, Tony. I wake up if someone touches me or makes even the slightest sound."

"You shouldn't have to be startled by someone who loves you, someone you trust."

"You cannot sleep. I am sorry," Ziva stated.

"Zi, I know you're exhausted, but I just don't know how I'm going to walk into the office tomorrow morning and face Gibbs and pretend that I never saw what I saw. I know I said I didn't want to talk about it, but I can't keep going through the motions with you. It's obvious you don't trust me. You don't trust me enough to tell me you suspected you were pregnant. You don't trust me enough to stay asleep if I touch you. You don't trust me enough to be the man that you turn to when things are falling apart. I don't know how to make this work if there's no trust between us. And I want, no I _need_ to make this work between us. I need you. I need our baby. But, if you don't need me in the same way, then I just don't know…"he trailed off. Tony was now sitting up on his side of the bed, staring off into the distance.

Ziva rose from the bed and walked over to the chair in the room to put on her robe. Tony followed her with his eyes, expecting her to leave the room and avoid the conversation, as they both were so prone to doing. Instead, she turned to face him, new tears welling up in her eyes.

"I _do_ trust you, Tony. And nothing happened between Gibbs and I. What you saw was completely innocent. I went to talk to him about what had happened. When I found out about the baby, I was in shock. I felt numb. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad. I felt nothing. I needed to feel _something_, Tony…anything! And the longer I drove, the more I thought this was not a good thing. Yes, I never expected to be able to have children after my imprisonment, but I honestly had given up hope of ever having children, anyway. My lifestyle simply did not allow for it. And when I had finally left Mossad, it was too late. I had resigned myself to it. By the time I reached Gibbs', I had already made up my mind. It seems that Gibbs always knows what to say, or rather, what not to say. He is a good listener. I needed someone to listen. Someone to help me sort this out. Someone who could objectively put my thoughts and needs, first," Ziva explained as she paced the bedroom floor.

"I'm the father of this baby, not Gibbs! I wasn't even the first person you told about it! Why wouldn't you talk about this with me? You didn't even give me the chance! When have I _ever_ not put your needs first?" Tony yelled and punched the headboard, cracking the wood.

"Jeanne," Ziva whispered, without thinking, and looked sadly at him.

Tony bowed his head, "That's not fair, Ziva."

"Why isn't it fair, Tony? Do you know what that did to me?" Ziva shouted.

"I was following orders, Ziva! You know all about those, right? It shouldn't have happened, I know! But, it did! You had already broken my heart when you, like always, ran to Gibbs! Do you know what that did to _me_?? After all we had been through together that summer when he left, you ran to _him_ when you were in trouble! Not me, him! And from then on, you acted as if nothing had happened between us! It wasn't bad enough that you and McGee tore me down every chance you got, made me feel inferior and unwanted after he came back! But, what you did…it nearly broke me, Ziva." Tony's voice quieted on the last thought.

"Gibbs possesses certain skills that you do not, Tony. And I did not want to jeopardize your job or your career to help me. And once he was back for good, you knew that things could not continue between us." Ziva said, returning to a calm tone of voice.

"How incompetent do you think I am, Ziva?" Tony shouted. He got up and began pacing on the other side of the bed. "No, you know what? You're right. Because the last time I put my job and my career on the line _for you_ someone wound up dead."

"Do not bring Michael into this, Tony. You have no right to speak of him," Ziva growled.

"I have no right, _no right_?" Tony laughed hysterically. "If I hadn't been putting your needs before my own that night, it would never have happened! He framed you! He made all the evidence point to you! But, instead of following protocol, I came to _protect_ you. I came to _defend_ you. If I had followed protocol that night like you said, Michael would still be alive, yeah, but you would also have been in prison until they could deport you back on the first flight to Tel Aviv. He flat out admitted to me that you were a pawn in his little game when I followed you to that café! And even though I knew that _you_ loved _him_, I still came for you! I almost _died_ that night! FOR YOU! And it wasn't the last time, either! And it certainly wasn't the first time that I put everything on the line for you! You have no idea what I've given up for you! And yet, you're allowed to bring up Jeanne whenever it suits you and you still think I'm inferior to Gibbs!" The mental diarrhea had spewed forth from his mouth, uncensored, and he immediately regretted revealing Michael's admission and the secret of Rota, but it was too late to take it back now. He realized slowly that his face was wet, warm and salty, again.

Ziva took a deep breath and sat back down on the bed, leaning against the dented headboard. She patted the spot next to her, opening her arms and motioning for Tony to come. When he laid next to her, she pulled his head to her chest and wrapped her arms around him. He absentmindedly began stroking her stomach, and she smirked to herself.

"We shouldn't fight like this, Ziva. Not now, it's not good for the baby." Tony said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"No, Tony. We need to get this out; we need to get this off our chests. And you are right; there cannot be any trust between us when we both still carry so many secrets and grudges. And our timeline for working through these things has just been moved up. So, tell me. Tell me everything. And then, I will tell you what you want to know." Ziva smoothed Tony's back, trying to calm him as she spoke.

Tony took a deep breath, and bent his head to kiss Ziva's stomach again. As he lay his head back on her chest, he began to speak, "After Gibbs came back, full-time, Jenny offered me my own team. She offered me Rota. I turned it down, and no one else knows about it; I've never told anyone. I told her it was because I was worried about the strange way Gibbs was acting; was worried about him putting the team in danger until he got his head back. The truth is, I turned it down because I was still holding out hope for something between us. I kept thinking that as soon as things calmed down with Gibbs and the backlash of the FBI and Mossad investigation, we would go back to the way things were. It was never just a fling for me, Ziva. I felt the spark between us when we first shared that coffee and pizza in the rain, but I fell in love with you that summer that Gibbs left. You showed me the beautiful person you are; you opened yourself up to me and abandoned that assassin persona that you held so closely as a cover. And I let you see the real me, too. The real me that I'd never disclosed to anyone before. When Kate died, I realized that life was too short to keep partying away. I realized life was too short not to hold onto the people who mean something to you, because they could be taken away in the blink of an eye. When the op started, it was just work. But, after you made your choice about us so clear, I forgot the lessons I learned from Kate's death. I was just trying to forget you, to forget the life that I thought we could have together. I used Jeanne. When Paula died, it reminded me. So, I tried to have with Jeanne what I thought I could never have with you, because you didn't want it. And even before Paula's death, after giving Rota up, for nothing, I wanted to do something well. I wanted someone to feel that I was as good of an agent as Gibbs. Jenny believed that of me. And I didn't want to let her down. If it had just been about the mission and about proving myself, everything would have been fine. But, the first few weeks when I would look at you across from me and remember all those nights we shared…" he sighed. "It was hard. It was so hard. And I knew I wasn't going to perform well enough constantly thinking about us. I knew I'd never keep my cover. So, I started doing what I do best. I played pretend. I put the walls back up and forgot about you the way you seemed to forget all about me." Tony looked up at Ziva. Her eyes were at half-mast, and he could see she was fighting to stay awake. It was 0400, now.

"I had not forgotten about you, Tony. When you were sneaking around all the time, wearing hospital bracelets and making lame excuses, I thought you were in trouble. I found out that you had the plague, and I began to worry myself sick that your health was failing. I got into trouble with Gibbs on more than one occasion by being an over-protective, over-bearing lover. He saw right through it even then; I know he did. So, I covered it up. I could not risk either of us losing our positions on the team because of it. If we could not be together in the way that we longed for, at least we could continue being partners. If that was all it could be, it was better than nothing I believed. One night when we all went out for drinks and you did not come, Ducky saw right through me as well. I had had too much to drink and was too open about constantly checking up on you. I was too vocal in my assumptions of why you had not joined us. He called me out on it. And I had no reason to deny him. Ducky has no rule twelve. So, he knew. And he kept silent about it for both of our sakes. When the team was finally privy to your undercover mission and to your relationship with Jeanne, I could sense the change in you. I knew you loved her. And I knew I had no reason to call you back. I had let you go, but it did not make it easier to watch your love affair with her. When I saw your car explode in MTAC, I felt as though a part of me had died. When we went to the scene, I found your badge, and kept it with me. I selfishly felt it was mine to keep, since I had known the real you and she had only known a cover. I kept it to remind me that the only reason I was not there to have your back, was because I had driven you away. When you showed up in the office later that afternoon, I was so relieved to see you alive. I would have shot Kort then and there if Gibbs and Jenny had not been there to witness it. Then, I could see how destroyed you were over Jeanne and the way things had ended. And I knew it was finally over between us. That it could never be again what it once was. But, still, you were alive. And being your partner was better than mourning you. It was better than never seeing you again. So, I kept myself at a distance from you because it was what you needed also." Ziva yawned, fighting to stay awake. She was not done talking with Tony, but was unusually and overwhelmingly exhausted.

"Ziva, you need sleep. You're exhausted." Tony caressed her cheek. "I'll go into work and tell Gibbs you're sick. We can finish this tomorrow night. You need to rest. This has been too stressful on you and the baby."

"No, I will go into work with you. The last thing we need is Gibbs breathing down our necks about any of this," Ziva yawned again.

"There you go, again! Let me take care of you. Trust me enough to take care of you and our child! Gibbs cannot be a factor between us, Zi! I know he's like a father to you, and he's like a father to me, too, but that's where it has to end! Keeping you and this baby safe is _my_ job! I_ want_ this job! You two are my number one priority, over anything else. And whether you admit it or not, I've been every damn bit as good at it up until now as Gibbs has been!" Tony raised his voice slightly, which startled Ziva.

"I did not know you were keeping score, Tony," Ziva replied angrily.

"I'm not! I'm not!" he defended. "I just feel like you don't care about anything I've ever done for you! And it's not because I'm trying to keep score. It's because I feel like you don't realize how much I love you, how much I would give for you. I'd give anything, everything for you and our baby! And I just don't know what else I have to do to prove it to you."

Ziva straightened herself up, hugging her knees to her chest that Tony had vacated. "This is exactly why I feel we should not have this baby, Tony. You are always out to prove yourself, at any irresponsible cost. I am broken beyond repair, beyond the ability to trust blindly. Our love is not enough. We, of all people, should know that by now. How many times has something gotten in our way? How many times has both of our baggage come between us? We cannot have this baby. We do not deserve to be happy ever after."

"It's happily ever after, first of all. Second of all, that's _why_ we deserve it, Ziva! This little baby," he clutched her stomach for emphasis, "is our miracle! It's the symbol of our undying love, of everything we've been through to get to this point! And I would go through it all over again for all of this! All of the baggage that we have, the messed up lives we've lived, just proves that we can be better and learn from it. And we always find each other again! We always come back to each other again! We just have to choose this," he gestured between the two of them, "over everything else. We have to choose to be happy. And we do deserve it. We've earned it." Tony sat still now, on the bed, staring Ziva down.

Ziva slowly raised her teary eyes to him. She sniffled, then gave him a small smile. "If we are going to make this work, then we are going to have to come clean. About all of it. There can be no more secrets between us, and I know we have only scratched the surface tonight. And we will have to set boundaries for each other; be completely explicit about what we expect of one another. But, mostly, you are right. We have to choose happiness. It will not be easy, Tony. At least, not for me. But, if you will look past my faults and love me even with my…transgressions, I promise from now on that I will give you the undying love and devotion you demand."

"Ziva, I don't _demand_ it. It's just part of a good partnership, right? Like, how we've always got each other's backs? Well, now it's not just at work. It's all the time, even when we think we hate each other. If we're always looking out for each other, then we don't ever have to worry about ourselves, anymore. I love you. I love our baby. And I will fight for both of you, even when you feel like you don't want me to. I can't be any other way. I don't know how. That's why I ended up tied to a chair in the desert last summer," he laughed wryly. "I've loved you all this time, and with everything that stood in our way, and as much as we hurt each other, there's no place in the world I'd rather be right now than fighting and crying with you in our bed. You are never going to get rid of me, especially now that you're carrying my baby." He laughed again and shot her his signature smile.

"Oh, so that is all I am to you, now? The vessel for your progeny?" she laughed.

Tony leaned forward, brushing a strand of curly dark hair out of her face and cupped her cheek in his big hand. "You are the mother of my child. My wife-to-be. You are my whole life, Ziva David. And my world has been revolving around you, whether I knew it or not, whether I admitted it or not, since that first night in the rain. And, I love you. With everything in me, I love you." He leaned further in and kissed her passionately, bringing her gently down to lay on their pillows. When they broke apart, he settled her into his arms with her head resting on his chest. "And now, my love, you need to sleep. I'm sure growing a baby is hard work. And I will let you come into work with me in 2 hours, as long as you promise to rest as much as possible tomorrow and let me do all the heavy lifting." He kissed the top of her head.

Ziva playfully bit his chest, eliciting a yelp and a jump from him. As he began to rub the spot vigorously, she spoke softly, "I will let you do all the heavy lifting, and I will rest as much as possible as long as you promise not to relinquish me to desk duty until I start to show. That would drive me insane, and I am sure my insanity would not be good for the baby, either. In turn, I will also promise not to put myself in harm's way more than necessary. And we will wait until a later date to share this information with the team."

"Ugh, I can't even think about telling everyone this news all at once, yet. Abby's going to freak. Vance will probably split us up now, for sure. I'm pretty sure Tim will man up and help me take the field work off of you. And I can already feel the welt on the back of my head from where Gibbs is going to slap me. What _did_ Gibbs have to say about it?" Tony rubbed the back of his head anticipatorily. He looked down when he heard snoring. Tony smiled to himself at the sight of Ziva drooling on his chest. He gathered her more closely into his side, cradling her in his arms. She snorted and he laughed.

"My God, I love you. But, you are going to be the death of me." Tony sighed and closed his eyes.

**Wow, this ended up being pretty long! I just didn't want to break up this conversation into multiple chapters. And I do think they only scratched the surface of secrets that they have kept from one another! So, let me know about the happy or angsty way you want this to go, and I'll start on the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed this!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I caught two grievous errors in the last chapter and I apologize and have re-posted with corrections, but no one else seemed to notice! I also apologize that casefics are not my strong suit, so details about that aspect of this chapter will be purposely vague. Also, did anyone notice the reference to Even Now, by Dashboard Confessional in the previous chapter? If you don't already own the NCIS soundtracks, go get them. They're worth every penny! Without further ado, onto the story…**

Tony awoke to the blaring alarm at 0600, groaned and hit the snooze button. The loud snoring coming from somewhere near his armpit alerted him to the fact that Ziva hadn't even heard it. He smiled, remembering what could possibly make his ninja so exhausted. He smiled wider when he recalled how she'd scrunched her nose up at said armpit when they were under cover, and yet here she was this morning with her head buried in it. Then he frowned, remembering the _other_ thing that had made her so exhausted. In spite of it, she was right. He did feel better, even though he'd only had about an hour's worth of sleep. And he truly meant what he'd told her when he said he'd do it all again, just to get to this point in their lives…together. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest after sharing so much with the mother of his child last night. He just hoped that she would hold up her end of the bargain when they returned home from work tonight. He chuckled to himself as he also silently hoped they would actually make it home from work tonight. If they had to pull an all-nighter, she'd surely forget or lose her resolve. He hoped they'd be able to function today after so little sleep. He knew how dangerous it could be to carry a firearm, or face a suspect without full focus and concentration. And he was well aware that lack of sleep was akin to being intoxicated. Paperwork usually made him cringe, but today he hoped they wouldn't get called out on a case. Not only would being at the office all night derail their new intimacy, but Tony was already worried about the toll this pregnancy could take on Ziva's health. She was mostly recuperated since Somalia, but her weight was still not back to where it was before and she still ate painfully slow. That was going to have to change, amongst other things. But, he didn't have time to think about those other things right now; he had to get up and get ready for work. He slowly climbed out of bed, trying not to disturb the sleeping beauty beside him. He lifted Ziva's head with his free hand and pulled his arm from under her, and then gently laid her head back down on the pillow. Ziva just rolled over and continued to snore.

"I guess we did make strides on that trust thing last night," Tony mumbled to himself, smiling groggily as he collected his clothes to go take a shower.

After he'd showered, dressed and made coffee for himself and tea and toast for Ziva, he tiptoed into the bedroom to rouse her. She was still sleeping soundly, but curled into a fetal position on the bed. He'd learned months ago that neither of them slept as well without him holding her and fighting away the terror that they both still experienced in dreams. He'd also learned that as long as she wasn't thrashing or talking in her sleep, it was safe to wake her. He climbed beside her on the bed and pulled the sheet down from her face and kissed it gently.

"Baby, you have to get up, it's time to go. We're going to be late if we don't hurry," he whispered.

Ziva cracked open one eye and smirked at him. "Are you talking to me or your offspring?"

"I made you tea and toast to nourish _our_ offspring, but I'm pretty sure that showering and dressing is beyond its scope, at this point, so up'n at 'em!" He beamed at her with his glistening, wide smile.

"Up and what? Nevermind." Ziva rose from the bed, yawned and stretched. "I am not going to shower, there isn't time. Besides, I took one last night when we returned home from work. Would you mind taking my breakfast to the car, and I will meet you there? I can dress quickly and eating on the way will save time."

"Sure. I'll meet you down there," Tony gave her another bright smile and turned, closing the bedroom door behind him.

Ziva and Tony turned the corner into the bullpen, still clutching their drinks and talking quietly about how to tell the team the news of their pregnancy, but were immediately met by Gibbs pushing past them in the opposite direction towards the elevator. "Grab your gear, got a dead marine in Rock Creek Park."

"So much for an easy day," Tony mumbled to her as they both turned to follow. McGee stood and grabbed his pack, running to catch up with the three already on the elevator. Once the doors closed, an uncomfortable silence was palpable, which confused the agent who was usually so good at reading between the lines when it came to his friends.

"Ziver, you sure you should be going out in the field?" Gibbs raised his eyebrow at her.

"It will be alright for a few more months, Gibbs. I have already made a promise not to do anything strenuous or to endanger myself." Ziva eyed Tony.

McGee looked beside him at Gibbs, and then turned behind him to look at Ziva and Tony, in turn. Since he was met with nothing but silence, he ventured, "Everything ok, Ziva?"

"Everything is fine, McGee. We will discuss it later," again she eyed Tony suspiciously, in Tim's opinion.

How processing a crime scene had turned so bad so quickly, Ziva did not know. It all happened so fast, and then it all happened in slow motion. One minute she and Tony were pursuing a fleeing suspect, the next her world was falling apart. It had all started quite normally. Upon arrival at the crime scene, Gibbs began doling out orders for the team. Since it was in a rather isolated area of the park, there were no witnesses to interview, other than the hiker that had stumbled upon the recently murdered victim. Gibbs was taking a statement from said hiker, while Ziva photographed, Tony sketched, and McGee combed the area for evidence. As Ziva worked her way around the body, her stomach began to disagree with the sight before her. Not wanting to contaminate the crime scene, she hurried what she believed was a safe distance away to empty her stomach of the toast and tea that Tony had so kindly prepared for her just an hour earlier. She felt the familiar sensation of Tony's hand, rubbing her back as she retched. When his distinctive, comforting scent reached her nose, the nausea began to abate. Suddenly, she felt him quickly remove his hand and stiffen behind her and then crane to see the movement in the bushes that she had not yet detected as she recovered her senses. In an instant, Tony sprang through the brush in pursuit of what she now saw was someone fleeing from their presence. Instantly forgetting her nausea and previous mental haze, she sprang into action to follow. Ziva noticed the terrain was becoming increasingly steep and difficult to navigate at top speed with trees and boulders on either side of a narrow trail, making an efficient path of pursuit difficult at best. She was quickly beginning to realize as she caught up to Tony that they had isolated themselves from the rest of the team and had already managed to cover quite a bit of ground. She could only hope that McGee and Gibbs had noticed their rapid exit and had thought to follow. As the terrain grew thicker with underbrush and the suspect knew he was running out of options and energy, he suddenly turned on the pursuing agents, brandishing a weapon. Time seemed to slow painfully for Ziva as the weapon fired at her. But, instead of feeling the searing pain of the bullet she knew she had neither the time nor the cover to avoid, she felt Tony slamming her body to the ground and falling with all of his weight on top of her. The force of the impact stunned her momentarily, and she peered from beneath Tony to see the suspect continue scampering up the trail. Expecting Tony to quickly give up his cover of her to continue pursuing the suspect, Ziva was surprised to find that he did not move. She rolled them, so that she was on top as she had done so many times before. And there it was. The warm, red stain had already begun to steal the whiteness from his shirt and had mottled the once pristine gray of hers. Ziva began screaming for Gibbs in a voice that she did not recognize as her own, so tinged with panic that the feeling of his hand touching her stomach caused her to gasp in pain. Ziva looked down to find his brow furrowed, and he breathed in shakily before speaking to her.

"Still calling to Gibbs for help, I see." He chuckled softly and then drew in a sharp breath. Ziva had located the wound in his stomach and was trying to form a dyke with her bare hands for the unending flow of his life that ebbed out of his body. His hand that had never left her stomach began to slowly caress it with a touch that belied his sadness.

"I kept my promise, Baby. Daddy kept you safe. You'll be okay." Tony's hand moved slower as his breathing became more shallow and his eyes struggled to stay open, never leaving Ziva's which were now spewing forth a flood that rivaled the one streaming through her hands.

Ziva spoke softly to him through her sobs, "Now, you have atoned for the sins of my father, Tony, but you must stay with us to atone for yours. You cannot make up for the mistake of his absence if you do not stay with us! Please, just stay with us," she whispered. As Tony's eyes fluttered closed and did not reopen, his hand dropped finally from their child's resting place, causing Ziva to begin again screaming frantically and pushing on the bullet hole with all her might.

"No! Tony do not leave me here without you! You cannot leave us here without you! Tony!" Ziva screamed so loudly that her distorted voice inadvertently led Gibbs and McGee to their location.

She suddenly felt strong arms pulling her away, though she kicked out with all her might and fought not to leave his side. She vaguely heard McGee whispering words of comfort and calm in her ear, trying to still her violent movements against him as she saw Gibbs take her place beside Tony's still form. She could do nothing more than sob and scream to Tony incoherently as McGee held her tightly. Within moments that seemed like the entirety of both their lives, medics arrived on the scene and began assessing the situation, trying to ascertain the most efficient way to get Tony's unmoving body to a clearing. As her strength and resolve to keep Tony alive collapsed with the chaos before her eyes, she felt the same strong arms of McGee lift her and begin the descent down the trail, following the medics and Gibbs who were struggling to carry Tony on a backboard to the MedEvac waiting in the open area at the foot of the path. She dry sobbed into his neck, her rantings leaving no doubt in Tim's mind as to the strange looks and conversation in the elevator that morning. Her revelations and sorrow, spurring him on with a strength he never knew he had to carry the once unshakable woman in his arms to the waiting ambulance near the original crime scene. Ziva finally succumbed to her grief and exhaustion, letting the darkness envelop her.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I was listening to Coldplay's 'The Scientist' as I began this chapter. I think it really colored the mood to it…and knowing me, I'm sure I've worked a quote from it in here, somewheres ;) This chapter has really given me a hard time. I've spent hours thinking about how to make it less trite, less "fakey," and I still don't think I've pulled it off. Let me know what you think, or if you have any suggestions for improvement!**

Ziva made her way out of the double doors into the ER waiting room, fully anticipating the news of her fiancé's death. Sometime during all the tests and questioning by the medical staff, she quit fighting and resigned herself to it. When, after two hours, no one from NCIS had come to collect her statement, it made it unthinkable not to assume the worst. She expected the onslaught of her coworkers and their well-meaning attempts at comfort. Instead, she found McGee sitting alone in a secluded corner that was in eyeshot of the doors. He was sitting with his forehead propped on his folded fists at knee-level, completely oblivious to her entrance. When she gently touched his shoulder, his head shot up, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Ziva! When did they release you?" He squeaked.

"McGee, where is everyone?" Ziva quietly asked.

"Well, they're all up in the OR waiting area. I've just been sitting here waiting for you, since they wouldn't release any information about your condition to anyone. Are you okay? Is the…" he stopped short and gestured with his head towards her stomach.

"I am alright, McGee. The doctors say it is too soon in the pregnancy to know if any damage was done. We will have to wait and see. Why is everyone waiting in the OR?"

"They're waiting for Tony," he answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "He's been out of surgery for about two hours, but they're not letting anyone in to see him. I don't even know if he's awake, yet."

Ziva's eyes grew wide and she choked back an audible sob, "Tony is alive?"

"Well, yeah…didn't anyone tell you?" Tim looked at her incredulously.

"I have to go." Ziva turned and began walking quickly away, until she felt Tim's gentle yet strong hand on her arm.

"Ziva, it's this way," he gestured in the opposite direction. "Come on, I'll take you."

"For the last time, I'm his boss! He is my agent! His only next of kin is an estranged father!" Gibbs slammed his hand down on the nurses' station to make his point. "I am a Federal officer, and I will have you arrested for obstruction of justice if you do not let me in that room!"

"Listen, Agent Gibbs. I've heard everything, seen everything…hell, I've done everything in this hospital. And no amount of threats of arrest, or attempts at scaring me with your temper tantrums is gonna change these HIPAA laws that I am bound by. You are not listed as his emergency contact, nor are you listed as next of kin. So, I can't tell you anything. And the doctor hasn't cleared him yet for questioning, so you're just gonna have to take your badge back down to the waiting area. Next time you come up here and cause a scene, I'm gonna have _you_ arrested for causing a disturbance in a hospital and for violating privacy laws. Now, do we understand each other?"

Gibbs sighed and ran a hand through his silver hair. "Look, me and my team are the only family we've got. We just wanna know if he's gonna make it. Who's listed that would be authorized to go in there?" All of the anger had drained from his voice, and he was now practically pleading with this infuriating woman.

After giving the annoying agent a questioning glare, the nurse rifled through the papers and looked back up, "A Ziva David. Listed as his fiancée. Is she with that group of yours?"

Gibbs sighed again, composing his demeanor to reason with her, "No, she is downstairs in the ER. She was injured in the same shooting that Agent DiNozzo was involved in. They won't give us any information about her condition, either. She is pregnant with this man's baby. It is their first child. She's been through enough today, and I don't…if the news is bad, she needs to hear it from one of us. We need to be able to break it to her."

The nurse gave a cluck of sympathy and started typing on her computer, "She's been discharged already, Agent Gibbs. Is someone waiting downstairs for her, or do you have a way of reaching her?"

Just then, the unmistakable ding of the elevator alerted Gibbs' gut to a familiar presence. He turned to see Ziva and Tim, walking out of the elevator. She looked exhausted, but determined. She quickly left McGee behind and brushed past Gibbs, seemingly unaware of his presence, identifying herself and inquiring the room number she sought.

"It's room 908, honey. I'll send the doctor in as soon as I can to give you an update on his prognosis."

Gibbs glared at the nurse who returned his stare nonchalantly, "I guessed that was her. Now, go siddown."

Gibbs strode the short distance to where McGee was still waiting in front of the elevators and they both watched Ziva quickly disappear into a room at the end of the wing.

The group stood as Gibbs and McGee approached, wearing exhausted, apprehensive faces. Abby tackled Tim in her usual bone-crushing manner, while Ducky stepped towards Gibbs. Palmer fidgeted with his hair, glasses, and shirt in an uncomfortable stance, opening his mouth to speak and then closing it, not quite knowing what to say.

"Were you able to get any information, Jethro?" Ducky gave his friend a careful once-over. He could sense the palpably different tension beyond the usual worry for his agents' well-being. Try as he might to analyze their behavior, he could not quite put his finger on what was plaguing Gibbs and McGee. And it frustrated him to no end.

"Naw, Duck. She won't budge."

"But, I saw Ziva enter a room down the hall, which I assumed to be young Anthony's. She let her in?"

"She's been listed as his emergency contact, next of kin," Gibbs replied quietly.

"Ahh, yes. I surmised the ring on her finger was his. Although, I won't deny that I wasn't more than a bit disappointed they felt to keep their joyous news to themselves rather than sharing it with all of us." Dr. Mallard studied his friend's countenance, looking for any sign of confirmation on his suspicions, but more importantly, for a tell that would also confirm his ideas as to why no public announcement was ever given.

"Well, everyone knows why they've been keeping it a secret! It's because of your stupid rules, Gibbs!" Abby punched him as hard she could in the shoulder. She wasn't above taking out her frustrations and fear on him, and he knew it. "I'll bet they're not even planning a wedding because of it! Which is so unfair, to all of us! Now, we won't get to plan things and listen to fights about whether to have a Catholic Mass or a Jewish ceremony, and I won't get to take Ziva dress shopping!" Abby gasped and turned back to Tim, "Oh my God, I didn't even ask! Tim, how's Ziva? Did she tell you why they kept her down there so long? Was she hurt worse than we thought? Did Tony somehow hurt her when he was only trying to protect her?"

McGee exchanged a knowing glance with Gibbs, while putting his hands on Abby's shoulders to silence her. "She didn't really say, Abby. She was just focused on getting up here to Tony. No one down there bothered to tell her anything about him. She honestly thought he'd died." McGee furrowed his brow at the memory, and they all exchanged furtive glances of anger mixed with bewilderment.

"That it's! What is going on around here? Why is everyone except Jimmy looking at each other like they know something that I don't! No offense Jimmy."

Jimmy put up his hands defensively and quickly replied, "None taken. I don't know anything!"

"Ziva's been acting strange for about a week, now, and I can't get anything out of her! I know they've been engaged for a few months even though they won't say anything about it, but they sure haven't been acting like it, lately! I demand to know what is going on," Abby stomped her foot for emphasis and placed her hands on her hips, pouting.

"Abby, it's really not our place to say anything. You're just gonna have to wait until they're ready to talk about it," Tim replied quietly, looking down at the floor and not meeting anyone's eyes. In his mind, he knew Ziva had been deflecting his concern for the baby downstairs and was getting the sinking feeling that she had lied to him. He couldn't see the point breaking her confidence, when there might no longer be any happy news to share.

"That's not good enough! I'm not trying to be selfish! They're clearly hurting, beyond what happened today! If I don't know, how can I help? And she shouldn't be in there alone! I mean, we don't even know if Tony…" She broke off, unable to voice out loud, the dark thought that had clouded all their minds.

"I didn't give DiNozzo permission to die, Abs. He'll pull through," Gibbs roughly declared.

"He does not need your permission, Gibbs."

They all turned to see Ziva standing before them, a blank, unreadable expression clouding her haggard features.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So, I could have put this chapter with the last chapter, but I was hesitating until I did the necessary research to make myself look somewhat competent about the A&P, treatment, complications, etc. for an abdominal GSW. However, after spending the bulk of my day yesterday writhing in pain and later, in the ER for…get this: a kidney stone, I'm feeling slightly more confident in my knowledge of the abdominal cavity and its horrors. That, and I'm still in too much pain to do anything other than really sit here. The writing is a decent distraction. If this chapter seems, oh, I dunno, **_**different**_**…I blame the pain. Onward, ho!**

The group stared at Ziva in stunned silence until she broke it, "But, _I_ did not give him permission to die, so he will not." She offered a weak, but genuine smile. "I had some difficulty understanding the terminology the surgeon spoke, so I cleared Ducky to speak with him and translate for us. He will be back on his next round. I also told him that you were all cleared to see him and be given any necessary information, even in my absence."

"Well, this wouldda been helpful about 4 hours ago, Ziver. Why wasn't I on there, too? I didn't even know he'd changed it." Gibbs gently spoke, while eyeing her cautiously.

"It was only for benefits purposes, should something…happen, Gibbs. It was not that we intended to make anyone feel excluded. We simply needed to be certain that the surviving partner would be taken care of. We do not take as many things for granted now, as we did just a year ago," her volume dropped audibly on the last thought, as well as her eyes.

Ducky broke the awkward silence that ensued by approaching Ziva, hugging her gently and patting her shoulder. "Well, I for one am relieved and comforted to know that you two are taking such precious care of one another, if a little perturbed about only receiving confirmation of your devoted relationship this way." He smiled to show his jest and continued, "How are you feeling, my dear? Any unintended injuries to report, hmm?"

"No, Ducky. I am quite fine. They only insisted on keeping me for observation…as a precaution." She gave a tight, but this time, ingenuous smile that made Tim's heart sink a little further into his stomach. He raised his eyebrows at her as if to say, "When are you going to tell them the truth?"

Ziva quickly averted her gaze from Tim's, knowing what it implied. She was grateful for the second time Ducky would rescue her.

"Well, I'll just go check young Anthony's chart whilst we wait for the surgeon, then. Is he awake, yet?"

"No, not yet. The surgeon said he awoke in recovery in a lot of pain, so they have already given him a dose of morphine. He should sleep for awhile longer," Ziva answered honestly.

Abby looked around her, bewildered, "So, he's gonna be okay? That's it? Everything is fine?"

Sensing some tension that confused him, Jimmy piped up, "I'm just gonna go to the cafeteria and get us all some drinks. Be right back," and he turned, quickly leaving the waiting area.

"Yes, Abby. He will be just fine." Ziva smiled at her friend and prepared for the onslaught to come. She was not disappointed.

Tim rushed forward, a panicked look on his face to pry Ziva from Abby's suffocating grasp. "Abby, let her go! She's been tackled enough today! Geez!"

"Tim, she's not made of glass! What the hell?" Abby put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"Bein' a little overprotective, aren't ya, McGee?" Gibbs quickly jumped on the bandwagon, trying to cover for him.

"Oh, he is just vying for the part of the Godfather," Ziva laughed, her eyes shining at McGee's thoughtfulness.

Tim's eyebrows raised in surprise at Ziva's comment and Gibbs shot her a questioning look.

"Oh, Ziva! Tony would be so disappointed," Abby gasped, misconstruing the meaning of the men's glances.

Ziva's face became flush with confusion. "What? Why?"

"That's not what the Godfather movies are about at all! I can't believe he hasn't made you watch them, yet!" Abby still had clearly not caught on to McGee's slip.

"You sure you're ok, Ziver? You look tired," Gibbs realized she would not have dropped such a blatant hint if she had been thinking clearly. He knew that Ziva was not ready to announce her pregnancy, especially after their talk in his basement last night. Hell, after that, he wasn't even sure if she was going to go through with it. He felt relieved to hear her speaking positively about the situation, though. He realized that she and Tony must have been up well into the night, trying to sort things out. "Come on, we need to get you home to rest. Ya look like ya got run over by a truck."

"I was not run over by a truck. I was tackled to the ground by Tony," Ziva replied, her eyes showing her confusion at the colloquialism.

"Who was trying to save your life and protect you, like he always does!" Abby interjected. "What has been going on with you two this week? You're both acting so weird! And now, he's been shot trying to keep you safe…I don't understand why neither of you will talk to us, anymore! We love you both and we're so happy you're together and happy, but it's like now that you're together, the rest of us have been kicked out of your lives!" Tim put his hand firmly on Abby's shoulder to silence her as he watched Ziva blanch.

"That's enough, Abby," he muttered under his breath.

"Alright, Ziva, I'm taking you home. Now," Gibbs ordered.

"No, Gibbs. It is alright. You are right Abby, and I am sorry. When Tony has recuperated, we will talk about it with you. I promise."

Gibbs sighed in frustration. "Ziver, I'm not trying to get you away from Abby. You really look awful. I know Tony would want you to take care of yourself." He looked at her pointedly.

Ziva shook her head emphatically. "I am not leaving this hospital until he does."

"Ziva, come on, you have to be reasonable. How're you gonna shower, and have fresh clothes? Where will you sleep? Boss' right, Tony wouldn't want you to do this." McGee attempted to reason with her. "And no one who is not on morphine can survive on hospital food that long! You need to keep your strength up. For both of you."

Ziva looked at McGee in alarm. Before she could say anything, Abby began, "That's right, Ziva. Tony needs you to be strong for him. He'll need your help to be one hundred percent, again."

Ziva sighed in relief. She was finding it really hard to believe that Abby had not yet caught on; she always thought her more insightful than this. But, she attributed it to their collective worry and exhaustion. No one was thinking clearly. "Fine. I will go home. But, I want to go to _my_ home; I do not need to be sat on like a baby. And, I will not go until Tony has awakened. I want to be here when he wakes up."

McGee let out a small chuckle and Gibbs cracked a smile. "Uh, Ziva…it's _babysat_, and that is fine. I will drive you home," Tim offered.

"Thank you, Tim."

"Awww, it should be Tony correcting your idioms," Abby pouted playfully.

Just then, Ducky announced his arrival by clearing his throat. "I have looked over Anthony's charts and spoken with the surgeon." At Ziva's panicked look, he continued, "No, he is not yet awake. But, he is sleeping peacefully and his vitals are stable. He was very lucky that the bullet only perforated his small intestine and became lodged there. There was no damage to any other organs, and perhaps more importantly to any of the major arteries in his abdomen. It appeared, surprisingly, that he had not eaten for awhile, so there was no seepage into his abdominal cavity which will lessen his risk for infection, post-surgery. The surgeon was able to completely repair the perforation and remove the bullet, which I have collected here for you," he handed the evidence jar over to Abby, causing her to perk up. "That lucky young man should walk out of this hospital in three days' time, no worse for the wear! However, he will be unable to return to field duty for at least six weeks, to give his abdominal muscles a chance to heal and rebuild themselves."

The group breathed a sigh of relief as Jimmy returned with two travel trays, full of styrofoam cups. "What'd I miss?" He asked with his typical grin, as he began doling out the drinks. "Abby, they actually did have Caf-Pow, so here ya go. Agent Gibbs, black coffee. Tim, coffee and there's creamers and sugars in this tray, here. And tea for Dr. Mallard and Ziva." Jimmy straightened with his cup, feeling very proud of his contribution.

"Duck was just tellin' us that Tony's gonna make a full recovery and be released in three days," Gibbs explained, thankful for the caffeine infusion. He'd been starting to suffer withdrawal.

"Only perforated the small intestine, huh?" Jimmy pushed his glasses up on his face and took a sip of his coffee, nonchalantly.

Ducky gave the young man a firm hand on his shoulder, "My dear boy, you will make a fine ME, yet." He smiled a genuinely proud smile to his assistant for his quick knowledge.

Ziva stifled a yawn. "Thank you, Jimmy, for the tea. I think I will go rest, after all." Gibbs, McGee and Abby stared in surprise at her. "In Tony's room. I will be there when he wakes." She smirked at them and turned to walk down the corridor, back to her fiancé's room.

"I'll wait with ya, Ziver. Make sure you don't fall off the chair in your sleep, or anything," Gibbs chuckled, following her. He really wanted to make sure things had been straightened out between them before Tony awoke. He felt he needed to know what kind of mindset his senior agent would be waking up with. And he hadn't had time to talk to either one of them before the shooting.

They entered Tony's hospital room quietly, not wanting to disturb his morphine-induced slumber. Gibbs silently placed the two chairs in the room at Tony's bedside. Before sitting, Ziva craned over Tony's bed, caressing his forehead with her hand and studying him carefully. Gibbs didn't think he'd ever seen such a poignant moment between the two, and it honestly surprised him that she would allow herself that luxury in front of him. So much had changed in the five years since she first came to their team. But, the biggest change of all had been in Tony. In the time since Gibbs left Ziva on the tarmac in Israel, Tony had nearly become a different person. Tony had nearly not made it past that summer, at all. It was then that Gibbs knew. There was far more to their partnership than met the eye, and rule twelve was no longer going to stop them. The only deciding factor was Ziva. At the time, Gibbs felt he didn't know her at all and so couldn't predict how things would be between the two when she returned with them from Somalia. They had a rocky start, but when Eli David sent his little messenger to fetch her from DC, it all clicked together. They were not going to lose another opportunity. He would not lose her. Gibbs did not want to see his team smashed to pieces again, and knew it was futile to resist the development of their relationship. He made a silent agreement with them that as long as they kept it out of the office, he wouldn't bring it up, either. And they had certainly kept their part of the pact, to a fault. Abby was right. In their need for each other, they had isolated themselves from the rest of the team unless at work. So when Ziva showed up in his basement last night, a distraught look on her face, he was caught completely off-guard. He knew it had to be about Tony. Nothing short of her father could upset her that much, and Gibbs knew if Eli David had tried to contact her again, he would know about it. Surprise couldn't even come close to explaining what he felt when she dropped the real bombshell on him. She was pregnant. With Tony's child. Tony didn't know, and she didn't know if she wanted to keep it. She didn't know if she wanted to stay with Tony. She loved him, of that much Gibbs was sure, but her own personal demons were constantly eroding away her sense of self and her ability to trust, much less love. It was as if the reality of becoming a mother had snapped her out of the fairy tale that she had conned herself into believing she lived in, snapping her back to the cruel world of her past, and what could still be. As was usually the case with his agents, she talked and he listened. As was not usually the case with his agents, the more she talked, the more she became agitated about the whole situation. As the reality sunk in deeper and deeper, Ziva found herself in the most vilified of positions. The position of zero control. Nothing scared her more, and it was easy to see why. She'd had no control over her situation since she was taken prisoner in Somalia. At least, she still believed that. The rest of the team couldn't even fathom the amount of self-control it took to withstand three months of imprisonment and God only knows what kinds of torture. But, Gibbs was a Marine. He'd seen the worst of humanity out in the battlefield and in his overseas undercover missions. And as much as he hated to admit it, he knew very few Marines who could come out of that situation the way she did. And she didn't come out the same, there was no doubt about it. But, the best parts of her did. And Tony's undying devotion and love seemed to fill in the newly blank holes. But, that wasn't always enough. It hadn't ever worked that way for him and Jenny. But, parenthood…now, that was different. Losing Kelly left a hole in his heart that nothing and no one could ever fill, again…not even Abby and Ziva, though they tried. He had to convince Ziva of her faulty logic. Calm her down and get her thinking straight again. And God only knew that DiNozzo deserved his chance to prove what a stand up man he truly was. Gibbs was convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that Tony would be nothing but ecstatic and proud…if Ziva would only tell him. As much as he felt the need to remind her that this was one of the many reasons why rule twelve existed, he decided it was time for his paternal instincts to take over and give his "children" the support they needed.

Gibbs pulled himself from his silent reverie, realizing that he had dozed off. He raked his hand across his tired face and looked over to Ziva. She had fallen asleep leaning forward on Tony's bed, her chair scooted close enough that her head was in contact with his side, laying atop her crossed arms. What really made Gibbs crack his first true smile of the day was the sight of Tony's hand, caressing her hair gently and smiling softly as he watched her sleep. Tony met Gibbs eyes, and each knew in that moment that, for once, things were going to work out.

**Know what I like? Gerunds. Have you noticed?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates…been busy with life, yadda, yadda, yadda. So, here's a decently fluffy chapter to tide you over! :)**

Gibbs had excused himself from the room, being satisfied with Tony's state of wakefulness and alertness. Though Ziva still slept soundly, he knew that Tony needed time alone with her to sort out his feelings on this whole unsavory matter. Gibbs was frankly uncomfortable at the idea of being, for all intents and purposes, alone in the room with Tony after last night's events, and yet when Tony met his eyes, he detected nothing but warmth. Of course, knowing Tony, that could also have been the morphine talking. Gibbs and Ziva obviously knew what had happened and that there was no shame in it, but he wasn't entirely sure what Tony had seen or heard and knew how perception could taint a person's view of a situation. And he knew how disappointed Tony would be that Ziva had come to him first with news of her pregnancy, instead of Tony. He also knew full well that Tony was a jealous man, when it came to Ziva. He didn't mean to be that way, but she was _his_, almost like his sole possession. Certainly the only thing he cared about, anymore, it seemed. And after last summer, he couldn't have it any other way. He imagined the fear of her only being a ghostly apparition would've been exactly how he would've felt, had Shannon and Kelly's death been a lie. He smiled to himself as he loped down the corridor, remembering when Ziva had shown her mutual obsession with him. Constantly worrying about Tony's covers for his La Granouille op, begging Gibbs for information about his whereabouts, assuming he was having health problems, the list went on and on. He detected the change in their relationship when everything came out in the open about Tony and Jeanne. They tried hard to hide it, but he was pretty sure they hadn't caught on yet that the only emotions those two adequately hid were from themselves. Gibbs and Tim had seen right through them the entire time. Ducky and Abby knew it, as well, but to a lesser extent did they get to witness their facades in action…which actually made their acute perceptions more astounding; or, Tony and Ziva's acting that much more pathetic. They just never seemed to be on the same page at the same time. Gibbs knew well enough that in this line of work, if you found something that good, you held onto it. He knew that their love for their jobs was what kept them apart for a long time, and he honestly regretted it. He made rules for his people to keep them safe, protect them from harm; but, sometimes rules were made to be bent. He knew that the same love for their work that had kept them apart, would also be enough to keep them from bringing their personal lives on the job like so much heavy baggage. Tony taking a bullet for Ziva today was nothing he wouldn't have done five years ago. Now, he was simply protecting two instead of just one. Gibbs smiled in pride at the thought. Tony's baby wasn't even born yet, and he was already a better father than he himself had been able to be. Tony was there. Tony did what had to be done. And Gibbs knew damn well that Tony would let no assignment or any amount of orders keep him from Ziva and their child. They meant more to him than any job or paycheck. He pushed the dark thoughts of his own guilt out of his head as he entered the waiting room to find the rest of his team.

It wasn't hard, since Abby saw him enter before he could see her coming to throw herself at him.

"Gibbs! Gibbs! Is Tony awake yet? Where's Ziva? Is she still OK? Did you guys get any sleep?" She was going full-steam ahead until Gibbs put his index finger gently to her lips, to which she gave him a smirk and stopped speaking.

"I did get some sleep. Ziva is still asleep. Tony is awake," he replied in a calm, steady tone. At the last, the rest of the group that had remained seated stood, stretching their limbs and forming a half-circle around their fearless leader to hear the latest news about their friend. "He looks as good as can be expected, tired but good."

"Is he lucid?" Ducky immediately and incredulously asked.

"Seems to be. He was so busy watching Ziva sleep and smiling at her that I don't think he realized for a few minutes that I was watching him."

Abby's face grew confused. "Why was he smiling at her?"

At this, Tim raised his eyebrows incredulously, "Uh, because she makes him happy?"

She shook her head amusedly, "Well, can we go see him?" She started bouncing up and down on the heels of her boots.

Before anyone could stop her, Abby had taken off towards Tony's room with Gibbs and McGee in hot pursuit. Ducky and Palmer exchanged glances and Ducky left to find Tony's doctor while Jimmy sat back down with his latest GSM, that he had borrowed from Tony.

Abby had abruptly stopped across the hall from Tony's room, standing and staring in through the open doorway with an unreadable expression on her pale face. When the men came up beside her, they immediately looked to see what had her in such a trance, fearing something had gone wrong in Gibbs' absence. Instead, they saw something that none of them ever expected to see. A woman was perched on her knees, on the right edge of Tony's bed opposite his surgical site, leaning over his face with her arms propping her up to avoid putting any pressure on his wound. Her hair fell around her face and most of his, obscuring them from clear sight. She feverishly kissed his entire face in quick, short spurts, working her way all over in a seemingly random and frenzied order. Tony's hands were around her waist, gripping only hard enough to keep her balance and quietly laughing at the ministrations.

Abby turned to Tim and Gibbs, "Who is that woman in there with Tony?"

Gibbs suddenly beamed one of the widest, most genuine smiles either Tim or Abby had seen in a long time. "Ziva."

"Ziva? I really never believed that our Ziva was capable of…_that_!" Abby gestured with her arm towards the pair. "Did she hit her head when Tony tackled her? I mean, I know she loves him and all, but it's Ziva! Are you sure that's her? Maybe one of Tony's old girlfriends heard he was here, or something!"

Tim began vigorously shaking his head, "No, Tony would never hold anyone else like that."

Now, it was Gibbs and Abby's turn to look at Tim in surprise. Suddenly, their attention was diverted to the shouting coming from Tony's room. Ziva was holding Tony's face in her hands, her face mere inches from his, alternating kissing his mouth and yelling, at times not even pulling back but yelling into his mouth. Most of it was incomprehensible garble in mixed languages, but occasionally a phrase was clear enough to hear.

"You idiot…never again…I don't care…I love you…how could you…"

Tony never retaliated, or even spoke, but it was clear that the tears on his cheeks were not only hers. And as they both cried, and she yelled, they never broke eye contact and he still smiled at her. They looked, strangely, happy. Strangely perfect in that moment of utter chaos, raw love and physical pain. It wasn't the way it worked for most people, but it was the only way they knew. And it worked. For them.

Breaking from their respective states of shock, the trio waiting in the hallway exchanged nervous and embarrassed glances at the private moment they had unintentionally intruded upon. They turned to leave when Abby was stopped dead in her tracks.

"How's the baby? Please tell me you're both ok. I didn't hurt you, did I?" Tony's strong, yet worried voice carried out into the hall.

Abby's eyes widened in surprise as she gulped a sharp intake of air. "What?" She screeched. She did a one-eighty with the full intent of charging into Tony's room at full speed, only to be stopped by Tim, who stood in front of the door.

"No, Abby. They need some time. They'll tell us when they're ready." He did not budge through her icy glares until he heard Tony again from inside.

"It's ok, Probie. You guys can come in."

Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief at not having to tear Abby off McGee and send him down to the ER next. The three entered the room, Gibbs walking to the opposite side to take up residence in the chair he had napped in. McGee hung back by the entrance, still not feeling convinced that they weren't intruding. Abby went flying full force towards Tony's bed, intent on the bear hug that she knew he must need after such a horrible day. As she was nearly in reach, Ziva suddenly appeared in front of her from the other side of the bed.

"Abby, you cannot hug him. He just had major surgery to have a bullet removed. If you must touch him, you must be gentle." Ziva tried to keep her voice calm, but the slightly growling timbre gave her the appearance of a mother bear protecting its cub.

Abby's eyes grew large and quick tears tried to force their way out. "But, it's ok for you to yell at him and squeeze his poor cheeks?" She knew her mistake as soon as the words were out, but it was nothing unusual for her to speak uncensored.

Now, it was Tony's eyes that widened in surprise. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, watching Ziva's unmoving form protecting him from Abby's near-assault. He was afraid of what she might do if he didn't break the tension. "Um," he laughed nervously, "just how long were you all out there?"

"Long enough to know that Ziva thinks you're an idiot," Abby spat and then immediately softened. "And that you're having a baby," she squealed as she hugged Ziva instead of her intended target.

Tim was suddenly pulling Abby off Ziva and admonishing her. "She's been shot at, tackled, and poked and prodded all day, Abby. Don't squish her!"

Tony laughed a little too loudly and winced from the pain it caused. It was going to be really hard not to laugh at his little dysfunctional family while he healed. Ziva spun around at him, checking him over and studying him carefully.

"You are in more pain. I will get the doctor." She had turned to leave for the nurses' station when Tony grabbed her wrist.

"No, don't go, Zi. It's ok, it's not that bad. I just laughed too hard, is all." His eyes pleaded with her in a way that only she could see.

"Then no more laughing from you," she chastised gently.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and saluted.

"Don't call me ma'am," she hissed back.

Gibbs chuckled from his seat and shook his head, "Just like old times. Ducky actually went to look for the doctor when I told everyone you were awake. I'm sure they'll be in any time, now. How're you feeling, Ziver? Get enough rest?"

At the mention of the sacred R-word, Ziva stretched her arms high over her head, yawning loudly. "I will be good for awhile."

Tony furrowed his brow and cleared his throat again. "Gibbs, take her home and put her to bed for me, please? She can't be here all night and she won't listen to me," he paused and added quietly, "But, I know she'll listen to you."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows at the comment, but said nothing, only nodded in the affirmative to Tony's request. Tim's intuition told him now was an appropriate time to pull Abby out of the room with him and go update Palmer in the waiting room. As they were leaving, Tony's doctor walked in with Ducky.

"It's good to see you awake, Agent DiNozzo. I'm Dr. Gupta. I performed the surgery to remove the bullet from your lower intestine. How are you feeling right now? Can you rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10 for me?" The doctor was looking over charts as he spoke, not bothering to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

"Uh, it's actually not too bad, Doc," Tony replied, squirming as best he could in his bed.

"Unless he laughs too hard," Ziva interjected, sending a glare at Tony for the obvious omission.

"That's to be expected. You have a fresh surgical site. We had to cut through muscle and remove a bullet, repair the damage to your organ, and then stitch everything back up. Some discomfort is not out of the ordinary. You are extremely lucky that the bullet didn't do more damage. If it had hit one of the arteries in your abdomen, you'd have bled out on scene and there wouldn't have been much we could have done for you."

Ziva's eyes widened and her face took on a sickly pallor. She bolted for the patient restroom, not having time to fully close the door before retching violently into the toilet. Tony's first instinct was to go to her, but the sudden movement caused him to squeeze his eyes tightly shut and wince in pain, instead. The doctor placed a firm hand on Tony's shoulder to keep him still, while Gibbs rose from his seat and went into the bathroom, closing the door soundly behind him.

"Agent DiNozzo, you need to minimize your movement for the next 12 hours. You'll be hospitalized for about a week, while we monitor you for signs of infection and slowly increase your mobility. You'll be on a soft diet until your intestine has had time to heal."

Ducky stepped forward to gain the surgeon's attention. "Have you already begun preventative antibiotics and anti-inflammatories?"

"Of course, Doctor Mallard. They are standard post-surgical hospital procedure," Dr. Gupta snidely replied. "Now, if you have no further questions, I need to continue my rounds."

"Uh, yeah, Doc, I have another question," Tony voiced in an annoyed tone. "When will I be able to return to work?"

The doctor looked at Tony incredulously. "Agent DiNozzo, I think right now, you only need concern yourself with resting and healing. You will eventually make a full recovery, but it takes approximately six weeks for the abdominal wall to rebuild itself after a tear. You cannot do _any_ vigorous activity until then."

Ducky was getting quite perturbed with this surgeon's lack of a bedside manner. He took a deep breath to steady his emotions and calmly asked, "Will he need any kind of physical therapy after that six week period?"

"No, I don't anticipate that he will. We will do the usual post-op PT to get him out of bed and moving, prevent atrophy and clotting, that kind of thing. I'll also send in a nurse with your spirometer and belongings that were collected when they first brought you in. We'll start weaning you off the morphine, and bring you some liquids to try. I'll be back in the morning to review your status." With that, Dr. Gupta turned and briskly exited the room, leaving Tony and Ducky to exchange perturbed glances.

Gibbs and Ziva emerged from the bathroom and approached Tony's bedside, again reclaiming their chairs. Tony reached his arm out and stroked Ziva's face.

"Are you ok, Zi? Please let Gibbs take you home. You need to rest and eat. I can't be your number one priority anymore," he said sadly.

Ducky and Gibbs exchanged knowing glances and excused themselves from the room, unbeknownst to the couple.

Ziva shot up out of her seat and began pacing around the small hospital room, furrowing her brow. She came to a stop at the foot of Tony's bed, turning to face him directly. "I will go. But, not because Gibbs asked. Because you asked."

Tony lowered his eyes, gently shook his head and smiled weakly. "It's ok, Ziva. I get it, now, I really do. I know that to put up with me and all my crap you need to have someone you can vent to. And I know how much you look up to Gibbs, because I do, too. I just need to let it go. And I will, but it's gonna take some time."

Ziva cocked her head to one side and looked at him concernedly. She walked to the right side of his bed and cradled his head in her arms as best as she could. "No, Tony. We cannot be "venting" to Gibbs everytime we have a problem. You are right. We need to be able to talk to each other and respect each other. And I showed you no respect last night. I am sorry. Please forgive me," she whispered, tearing up.

Tony pulled his head from her embrace and looked at her, wiping the tears from her face with his thumb. "There is nothing to forgive. Not ever. And I will never mention last night, again, my promise to God."

At this Ziva laughed, "Do not promise God Tony, promise me."

"Fine, then I promise you. I trust you. I believe you when you said nothing happened." He chuckled dryly, "And I can't believe Gibbs would ever do that to me!"

Ziva shot him a sad glare, "But you believe I would?"

Tony's eyes widened and he began to back-pedal, "No! I, I didn't mean…"

Ziva put her hands up in a defensive position. "No, that is fair. I deserve it."

Tony forcefully grabbed her face in his hand, making her look at him and wincing with the movement. "No. You. Don't. Do you hear me? You deserve nothing less than to be treated like the goddess you are. You are my whole world, Ziva. You and our baby. You deserve to be treated better than you expect."

Ziva caressed his arm with her hand. "You are getting too upset and hurting yourself. I will go."

Tony caught her hand in his own as she began to rise. He sighed, "I know we said we were going to get everything out in the open, no more secrets." He let her hand go and ran his through his sandy brown hair. "But, I think maybe we should just wait until we're both feeling a little better. You still haven't told me what they said about the baby. Is everything ok? You shouldn't be stressed out right now, at the very least."

"The baby is fine. It is too early in the pregnancy to know much." Ziva shrugged.

Tony raised his eyebrow, "Are you lying to me, Ziva David?"

Ziva sighed and before she left replied, "Yes, Tony. That is all I know how to do."

Tony threw his head back on the pillow in frustration, a single tear sliding down his cheek. This wonderful, crazy woman _really_ was going to be the death of him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Alright, I'm gonna try to do more Ziva POV this go-around, because I feel I've done Gibbs and Tony enough, but not so much for her. Well, she's hard to write! :/**

Ziva awoke with a start, covered in sweat and still dazed from her nightmare. She instinctively picked up her cell from the nightstand to see what time it was. 0300. As the light from the display awoke her a little more, she rolled over on the bed to find it empty. And there it was. That was why she'd had a nightmare to begin with. Tony was not here. Tony was still at the hospital, and would be for at least at a week. She laid her head down on his pillow and breathed in his scent, which instantly calmed her. Now that she felt he was near, her mind began to wander aimlessly, drifting closer towards sleep again. She had to quit being so needy of this man. She hadn't even been able to sleep without him for months. When had she become so fragile as to need a man's protection? The idea was ludicrous. She could easily take ten men to DiNozzo's five. Why did she need him?

_Ziva aimed and never missed. She hadn't been aiming for her usual kill shot; she wanted this person to suffer more than instant death. Yet, she still couldn't remember why she was so angry. Her emotions rarely got the best of her. What had happened, here? She looked around her apartment. It looked like there had been a fight. Pictures were hanging haphazardly on the walls, her freezer door was open and dented, a small side table was knocked over, the precious picture of her Ari and Tali shattered on the ground. Shattered like the coffee table. There was blood everywhere, marring the beautiful cream of the carpet. Still, she could find no body. _

_Suddenly, she was home. Not in Washington, but in Tel Aviv. The air smelled the way she remembered it. It was hot. She was outside. Someone else was with her. Someone was yelling at her, trying to get her attention. She aimed again, again hitting her target. Straight through the heart. That bleeding heart that she always despised. She stood over his body and spat in his face. "I hate you," she simply muttered. But, she could not tell who she had shot._

_Now, she was in Washington, again. Running. Through a park. She loved to run. It always helped to clear her mind and help her focus. She became conscious of someone following her, chasing her. She would run faster, he would run faster. She would alter her route, he would too. It was like a game. A coy game of cat and mouse. And it felt familiar, but there was a new element to this game. The element of fear. This was no cat and mouse. This was Russian roulette. There could be only one winner. She turned and fired her weapon, assassinated her target. Still, she did not go for the death shot. She was tired of running, she was off her game. She came to the body, eager to see the loser in this game. The man was gasping for air, his limbs twitching in agony. She knelt down to hear what he was trying to say. "For you."_

Ziva awoke, screaming so loudly it hurt. Her face and whole body soaked with sweat and tears. She peered around her dark bedroom, the haze of sleep slowly lifting its veil. She began to sob, heaving gasping breaths between mumbled apologies to someone who couldn't hear. She lay back down on the bed, instinctively curling into a fetal position, hugging Tony's pillow to her chest.

"How could I shoot him? How could I ever cause you harm, Tony?" she whispered to herself.

As full consciousness finally calmed her terror, Ziva knew she would not sleep again tonight. She glanced at the alarm clock on Tony's nightstand. 0500. Time to run, anyway. She heaved herself off the bed, sighing and smoothing a hand over her frazzled curls. She went about getting ready for her morning jog in a daze, on autopilot. It wasn't until she was seated on the couch in the living room, tying her shoes that she realized. She couldn't run. The ER doctors had specifically ordered her to rest and do nothing physically jarring or exertive until the pregnancy had made it to the second trimester. If the pregnancy made it to the second trimester. There was a fifty-fifty shot, they said. It was too early to know if she would miscarry. Too early to know if any permanent damage had been caused. So, she was told to wait, rest, and relax. Three things that she was horrible at. Zero control, yet again. She was honestly getting tired of fighting for control so much. It was an exhausting exercise in futility. She wondered why she still resisted. Aged habits died hard, she assumed. She yawned and sank back into the couch. Gibbs had ordered her off-duty until further notice. That is what happens when you tell your boss you are pregnant. Everything would have been fine if things hadn't gotten so out of control yesterday. Her mind flashed back to the events, and suddenly she realized the park in her dream was the park from the crime scene. And then, she realized she felt responsible for so much more than that. Anthony DiNozzo was a stubborn, pig-headed man. Anyone with eyes could see that. Thinking back, she began to realize how much of his suffering she was responsible for. What normal human being would keep getting back up and coming back for more? And he had. He really had. And she really had. She had been the cause of nearly all of it. After his admissions last night, she was the cause of it all. It all started with running to Gibbs. It spiraled downward from that moment on. Out of control.

How different would Tony's life be today if she had run to him for help that morning? Would he still have taken the La Granouille op? Would he be in Rota? Would Michael be alive? How many fewer scars would mar Tony's body? How many fewer scars would haunt Tony's mind? Would they have been married for three years, with two children? Would they have loved and fought so passionately that they burned out quickly, a supernova that tore apart what was left of the team with Gibbs gone? She shook her head and pushed the thoughts out of her mind. There was no sense dwelling on what might have been. She had to force herself to focus on the now. Without the aids of running or caffeine. She groaned, fell over on the couch, and began to absentmindedly rub small circles on her stomach. When she realized what she was doing, she immediately sat up straight. She couldn't get too attached. It would hurt less when things went badly. She wasn't entirely sure how Tony would react when that time came. If she numbed herself adequately now, she would be okay. But, Tony. Tony never numbed himself. He always got too close. Always made it personal, internalizing and shouldering the blame for things he never had any control over. And there it was. She needed control and could never seem to find any. He had no control though he had fooled himself into believing otherwise. That was why they worked so well together. Two people who both needed to be in control for very different reasons, and with very different responses to not getting what they needed. Ziva sighed. That wasn't why they worked; that was a poster for why they couldn't work. Ziva rubbed her forehead with her hands. She hadn't remembered waking up with a headache. It was no wonder her thoughts had become so clouded. She stood from the couch and stretched her arms over her head. If she couldn't run, and she couldn't think, she would go check on Tony.

Ziva had no trouble getting past the visiting hours rule. She was his fiancée. She could not sleep, so she came to sit with him. The nurse gave her the visitor badge without any argument. She stealthily crept into his room, making no sound as she sat in the chair that she had claimed the day before. As she studied his apparently sleeping soundly form, he spoke to her in a fully awake tone, "Why aren't you at home?"

Ziva smirked. "You are getting better, my ninja-in training. How did you know it was me?"

"Your smell," he replied, opening his eyes and reaching for her.

"Did you not sleep at all?" She grasped his hand as she studied his face.

"Didn't you?"

"You know full well that I cannot sleep without you."

"Nightmares about Somalia, again?" He yawned and scratched his stubble with his other hand.

"Yes."

"You're lying." He looked pointedly at her.

"I come at six o'clock in the morning to sit with you and you start accusing me of lying, again?" There was no anger in her tone, only defeat.

"Don't think of it as accusing, Zi. It's just knowing you so well. Why couldn't you sleep? And don't lie to me, this time." He squeezed her hand.

Ziva crept up onto the bed with him. When Tony tried to scoot over to allow her room, she stilled him. "The doctor said you must not move. I am fine." She laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around her, ensuring she wouldn't fall off the edge. He rested his chin on the top of her head.

"Do not think of it as lying. Think of it as me habitually trying to protect myself." She sniffled into his hospital gown.

"Zi, why couldn't you sleep? We lost the baby, didn't we?"

Ziva sighed and buried her face into his chest more. Her muffled voice was barely audible. "No, not yet. But, there is only a fifty percent chance that I will make it to the second term."

"Well, fifty is better than none, right?" He squeezed her encouragingly.

"That is not why I could not sleep, Tony. The pregnancy is out of our control. What will be, will be. It was truly the nightmares that kept me awake."

"This is about more than just Somalia, isn't it?"

"Yes," she whispered, unburrowing her face for air.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He began caressing her arm, attempting to soothe her into submission.

"I dreamt that I shot you."

"When? At the park yesterday? Like you thought I was the perp?" He chuckled lowly.

"Not just at the park. And not because I thought you were the…perp. I shot you in my apartment when you killed Michael. I shot you in Tel Aviv when we argued. And I shot you in the park because you were chasing me." She began to sob again.

"Hey, hey," he whispered soothingly. "You didn't shoot me, I'm right here. I'm right here. I'll always be right here." He kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer.

"Why are you always right here, Tony? I have done nothing but cause you harm and grief. How can you possibly love me?" Her sobbing continued, unabated.

"Well, it's certainly not just because you're the mother of my child," he attempted to joke. "It probably has more to do with the fact that you could have killed me so many times and never did. That says something, right?"

"Can you not ever just be serious, Tony?" She sniffled, her crying quieted.

"That's not how I operate, but that's one of the many things you love about me. Besides, if I get all weepy and sissified again like I did last night, then who is going to soothe your guilty conscience? Contrary to popular belief, I can be strong sometimes, too."

"You are very strong, Tony. We do not give you enough credit. You hide it too well. But, I am still terrified to let you be strong for me. I am not used to being the weak one."

"Ahhh, you're not weak. It's just the pregnancy hormones messin' with your mind." He kissed her hair again.

"I had not even considered that, but it is a very plausible explanation for my behavior, as of late."

"Honestly? I had suspected something was up, and the idea kept creeping into my mind all last week. I figured I'd just ride it out until you said something, and then ride it out for the next nine months. Don't think I didn't notice your frequent runs to the restroom. And then I'd remember you told me you couldn't conceive, so I'd push it out of my head. And when I saw you with Gibbs…" he trailed off. "Let's just say the pregnancy test was the last thing I expected to find in the bathroom."

"How many times are you going to bring that up? You promised. Whatever you think you saw was not what actually happened." She snapped.

"Calm down, calm down," he squeezed her again. "I know. I believe you. You know how it's hard for you to let me be strong for you? Well, it's hard for me not to be jealous with you."

"You do not trust me, Tony."

"No, I trust you with everything I have. That's the scary part."

"I know," she whispered.

He kissed her head again. "We'll fix it, babe. Who says you can't teach old dogs new tricks?"

She raised her head to look up at him. "What?"

He kissed her forehead. "Nevermind. Let's go to sleep."

Ziva snuggled against him and closed her eyes as he pulled her tighter. As she drifted off to sleep, she heard Tony's snores and smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: So, thanks for the wonderful reviews from last chapter! Shout out to SnoopMaryMar, keep your chin up girl! For some interesting reading, go to the CBS boards and read the Troll-Feeding PSA. You'll get what I'm talking about.**

Tony woke with the feeling that someone was watching him. He cracked open his eyes to find his charge nurse watching he and Ziva, wearing a chagrined smirk on her face. Ziva was sleeping soundly, if the snoring was anything to go by, so he put his finger to his lips and glanced downwards, silently asking the nurse not to wake her.

He whispered, "My wife needs the rest, she's pregnant and she can't sleep without me. Didn't sleep a wink last night, I don't think."

The nurse's expression grew confused and she whispered in response, "I thought she was your fiancée?"

Tony smiled at his own words. "She is, and yet she already is."

The nurse nodded her head in understanding and began noting Tony's vitals on her chart. "Your readouts look good. I'll give you until noon, and then we need to start getting you out of bed and eating." She turned to walk out of the room, bobbing her head in acknowledgement to the silver-haired man leaning against the door frame.

Gibbs smirked and shook his head, nodding to Tony as he left.

Tony laid his head back down on the pillow and closed his eyes. He was amazed at how easily the words had rolled off his tongue. If the nurse hadn't pointed it out, he wouldn't have even realized he'd misspoken. He was wide awake, now and knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. In truth, he'd slept fairly well last night, thanks in part to the morphine that was still in his system. They'd begun weaning him off, but it didn't take much. He went to sleep after the team left at 2100 and didn't wake until Ziva showed up at 0600. He nestled his chin into her hair, realizing his arm must have fallen asleep long ago. He dared not move it from under her, she'd fall off the bed. Instead, he pulled her closer to him shifting her weight more into his side and shoulder to relieve the pressure on his arm. She was still in the same position she'd fallen asleep in, not that there was much room for movement. It amazed him she could sleep so soundly like that. If it weren't for all the meds, he'd never be able to sleep in such a tiny bed because of the constant feeling of falling over and not really being able to stretch out. He stretched his legs and toes out, dreading the idea of spending an entire week in this bed. Mostly because he didn't think Ziva could stand sleeping for a whole week, here.

His mind began wandering over the information she'd finally provided him with earlier that morning. A fifty-fifty shot. Talk about a buzz kill. And here he was laid up and unable to care for her properly. She'd need extra care. That much was clear to him. He'd have to delegate his duties to their friends. McGee and Abby would pitch in without even being asked, and Gibbs was certainly already shouldering the biggest part of the load. The sickening image of Gibbs and Ziva popped back into his head. He swallowed and forced it out of his mind, instead reminding himself that she needed to be _here_ to sleep, when she could have just as easily let Gibbs drive her to his house last night. He'd threatened Gibbs to call him when Ziva had been safely dropped off at their apartment last night, on pain of not being able to sleep and thereby recover if he had to worry about her constantly. Gibbs had recounted Ziva's insistence on going to _their_ home to sleep, and adamantly refusing any company to keep watch over her during the night. Typical Ziva. She probably thought if she could at least smell him in their own bed, that she'd sleep. Everyone else would have seen it as stubbornness and introversion, but Tony knew better. She was much more sentimental than even she would admit. He bet Gibbs didn't know that about her. He wondered if anyone did. Anyone except him. He breathed in the scent of her hair and kissed her head tenderly. She habitually pushed him away, and he grinned. Yep, typical Ziva. You always hurt the most the ones you love the most, he thought ruefully. He and Ziva had hurt each other deeply too many times to count since their paths first crossed. And the more they grew to love each other, the deeper the hurt they inflicted. It wasn't one-sided, it was more like taking turns. He would do it, then she would. That was going to have to change. He wouldn't have a marriage like that; wouldn't let their baby suffer they way they both had growing up. It was going to be hard work. He'd already changed so much, how much more give could there be? Thinking back on it, he decided he hadn't minded the change, and hadn't done it intentionally or consciously, it had just happened. He smiled and absentmindedly began stroking Ziva's hair again. She just brought out the best in him, and made him _want_ to be better for her. He grinned. And now the baby would just make a trifecta of perfection.

Ziva stirred at his side and he tried to soothe her back to sleep.

"It is alright, Tony. I am awake." Ziva yawned.

"I don't know how you slept at all like that," he laughed. "I can barely get comfortable when it's just me on this tiny thing."

Ziva quickly climbed off the bed, too quick for Tony to stop her. "I am sorry, Tony. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable." Ziva was still blinking the sleep out of her eyes and stretched her arms over her head, bending over each way to loosen her stiff muscles.

"Oh, Zi! Honey, I didn't mean it that way! Hey, come back. Please? It makes me feel better to have you here." He patted his chest, in her usual resting spot and attempted his best puppy-dog face.

Ziva paled and held her hand up to silence him. Through gritted teeth she commanded, "Stay." Then, promptly turned and ran to the restroom, not having time enough to close the door. She retched until she was only dry-heaving, then cleaned up. When she was done, she leaned against the sink, her arms supporting her weight and breathed in and out deeply.

"Ziva, are you ok?" Tony called to her, worry evident in his voice.

"It is called morning sickness, Tony. It is quite common," she replied calmly.

"Do you have any idea how much it is killing me to have to lay here and not be able to help you?" he whined.

She walked out of the bathroom and raised an eyebrow, smirking at him. "If I am not mistaken, it was your need to protect me that nearly killed you yesterday. You should really take a holiday from that."

Now, it was Tony's turn to raise his eyebrow, only his was questioning. "A holiday?" He thought for a minute. "Oh! You mean a vacation! Yeah, in America we call it a vacation," he laughed.

"They mean exactly the same thing, Tony." Ziva sat in her chair and chuckled at him and grasped his hand when he reached for her.

"You shouldn't be sitting here with me, Zi. You need to take better care of yourself, now. That's all I meant when I made the comment about not getting comfortable. You can't sleep like that all week. It's not good for you, or the baby. Why don't you go get something to eat? Maybe it'll make your nausea go away?" He squeezed her hand.

Ziva laughed dryly. "You know full well I cannot sleep without you. I already tried last night, and failed horribly. And I am certainly not hungry after pitching up my innards just now."

"Pitching what? Oh. Chucking up your guts. Puking your guts up. Throwing up your stomach contents. There are so many ways to say that, except the one you just used." He laughed at her.

Ziva plopped her head down on the side of his bed and moaned. "Oh, I just give up."

Tony patted her head and clucked at her, "Poor little Ninja. It's not fair. I would sound worse if I tried it out in Hebrew, I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize, Tony," Ziva mumbled through the blankets. "Sign of weakness."

"I thought it was clear by now, Zi." She looked up to meet his gaze. "You are my weakness." He gazed lovingly at her.

There was a sudden knock at the door and the pair looked up to see an orderly carrying in a covered tray. "Here you go. Soft food diet. Enjoy!" The orderly placed the tray on the bedside table and wheeled it close enough to Tony's bed for him to reach.

Tony lifted the lid to reveal chicken broth, gelatin, applesauce, juice, and water. "Oh God, this is going to kill me."

"Stop whining. You could actually be dead right now," Ziva plopped her head back down on the side of the bed.

"You should really at least try some of this, Zi. I'll share," he patted her head again.

Ziva got up and walked to the other side of the bed, perusing the contents of the tray. She picked up the box of juice and walked back to her own chair.

"How am I going to eat just this stuff for six whole weeks? I'll waste away to nothing!" Tony whined.

Ziva sipped her juice through the straw. "I do not think you will have to eat nothing but this for six weeks, Tony. You cannot do anything strenuous for six weeks. We will simply have to build up your tolerance to your usual disgusting fare, slowly."

"Yeah, and we're gonna have to build up your tolerance to eating more like a human and less like a bird, now that you're eating for two," he quipped back in between slurps of broth.

"I do not eat like a bird, I am a person!" Ziva replied with a confused look.

"It's a saying, Ziva. Someone who eats very little? It's called eating like a bird." Tony replied with a mouthful of applesauce.

"If you do not close your mouth, you are going to cause me to vomit again."

"Sorry," he swallowed.

"You certainly seem to have regained your appetite," she remarked amusedly.

Tony grinned at her, "Yeah, but I'd kill for a Ziva sundae right now."

Ziva smirked at him, "You are not permitted any strenuous activity for the next six weeks, remember?."

They were startled by a gagging sound coming from the doorway and turned to see Abby and McGee entering the room.

"That is a mental picture I _never_ wanted to have in my head!" Tim grimaced as he began unpacking his shoulder bag while crouched on the floor.

Tony laughed while Ziva blushed. "Hey, we're not in the office now, Probie. This is just us, the way we are." He gestured between himself and Ziva.

"Awww, well I'm glad to _finally_ see it!" Abby walked over and sat in the chair beside Ziva, reaching over and hugging her. "How are you guys feeling this morning?" She pressed.

"They are trying to kill me with soft hospital food, Abby!" Tony whined loudly.

Abby shook her head at him, laughing, then turned to Ziva. "And how are you feeling, Miss David?"

Ziva shook her head good-naturedly at the interaction of her friends, but remained silent.

Tony gave her a pointed look. "She's still throwing up. And she's not resting enough. She showed up here at 0600 and crawled in beside me and passed out from sheer exhaustion."

Ziva shot him a menacing glare.

"Don't look at me like that, David. If I have to be stuck here and can't take care of you then I gotta get some help."

Ziva crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair and sighing. "Fine." She remained glued to Tony's eyes, staring him down.

"Yeah! We'll help! Whaddya guys need?" Tim jumped up and walked towards Tony's bed with a laptop.

Abby smacked her hand to her forehead, "Oh! I get it now! The Godfather!" She began laughing uncontrollably.

"If you guys can get her to eat something, that'd be great. And take her home and make her get some rest." Tony and Ziva continued their staring match while Abby and Tim exchanged knowing glances.

"Well, we can certainly do that," Tim replied, approaching Tony's bedside. "But, first…Gibbs wants your statement and IA report. Not all of us are on orders of bedrest for the next coupla weeks." He chuckled meekly.

Ziva stood stretching her back. "Yes, I must go in and file my reports as well." She suddenly gasped, "Has anyone found the shooter? I have not even thought about it!"

Abby started laughing and looked up at Ziva. "Do you even know Gibbs? We worked all night. Metro picked him up last night, he's already waiting for trial. Ballistics also tied him to the scene Team Gibbs was investigating when…_it_ happened. As if the confession wasn't enough." She shook her head ruefully.

"Yeah, he should get a pretty nice stay at Chez Prisón for shooting a Federal Officer," Tony muttered dryly.

Ziva suddenly paled and went running for the restroom, locking the door behind her.

Tim and Abby glanced sideways at one another, but Tony's eyes never wavered from the bathroom door. "See what I'm talkin' about? She 'fessed up this morning that the docs told her she's got a fifty-fifty shot of keeping the pregnancy 'til the second term. And we're not even supposed to be able to have kids."

The sound of sniffling suddenly attracted their attention away from the bathroom and to the man lying in the hospital bed. Tim touched Tony's arm, "What do you mean, you're not supposed to have kids?"

"Not supposed to be _able_ to have kids. They really did a number on her." It was as if Tony was talking to an empty room, because both Abby and Tim were certain they'd never seen tears on the man's face before. And neither one ever knew that he'd even entertained the idea of having children of his own. That they wanted to have children. Together. Abby looked at Tim for confirmation of what Tony was saying, to which he mouthed silently, "Somalia."

"I doubt she said anything to the ER docs, and they wouldn't have her medical history on file. She made sure those parts were sealed, and I think only Ducky, Vance, and Gibbs have seen them. That's gonna make the chances less than fifty percent." Tony ran a hand through his hair, his anxious tell. "She'd kill me if she knew I told you, but you know how she is. She doesn't wanna open up to anyone. And I really need your help, right now because I'm not going to be able to take care of her and be there for her the way I could if I wasn't laid up here. She can't even sleep without me because of the nightmares; that's why she ended up here this morning in bed with me. So, the only way I can figure to help her right now is to betray her confidence, so you know where she's coming from and can help her somehow, in my place." He sighed and closed his eyes, placing his head back down on the pillow, as his friends' hearts broke for him. For both of them.

They all knew how bad it must have been. They'd seen Tony completely self-destruct when they all thought Ziva was dead. Then they witnessed the quiet rage that took over as he sought vengeance. And they had watched their careful dance from the very beginning. Only love could have been a strong enough motivating factor for him to do what he did that summer. Abby and Tim, loyal to the very end, had helped in any way they could. But this was different. Now, he was actually asking, almost pleading, for their continued support. The only thing that they had missed since that fateful summer was when Tony became Ziva's lifeline. Sure, they'd all quietly assumed that they were together. And as explosive as their chemistry and personalities were, they'd also assumed their relationship was rocky, at best. It wasn't as if either of them came without baggage. But seeing for themselves the strength of the love that buoyed them through this hard life that they lived, well, that was a revelation in and of itself. Add to that Tony opening these intimate secrets to their friends and outright asking for their help, and both Abby and Tim were left staring at the strong, but broken man in stunned silence.

Their heartbroken reverie was interrupted when Ziva emerged from the bathroom, looking weary and ashen. Abby jumped up and made her way towards Ziva.

"Come on, we're gonna take you home and get you cleaned up and fed. You really need to rest. Over-exerting yourself will only make the morning sickness worse." Abby placed a gentle arm around Ziva's shoulders, to which Ziva immediately tensed.

"No, I need to go in and file my reports." She quietly stated.

Tim cleared his throat and quickly began setting up the laptop on Tony's bedside table. "Actually, I already talked to Gibbs about that. There's no deadline for getting them in. I brought this here and you have a direct link to our secure servers, so you guys can write them up and submit them instead of just sitting here bored out of your minds. Oh, and here," Tim placed Tony's cell phone on his bed. "Brought this for ya, too. Didn't want you to be without your favorite ways of passing the time." He smiled wryly at Tony.

Before Ziva had a chance to object to Abby and Tim's suggestions, Tony's charge nurse entered. "Alright, Agent DiNozzo. Deadline's up. Time to get up and get moving." She smiled pleasantly, oblivious to the preceding conversation in the room. She held up a large black mass of what appeared to be spandex, causing Tim to stifle his laughter. "You will have to wear this support belt until your abdominal wall has healed itself, but believe me, it will help with any pain. Now, I'm going to have you put this on and I'll show you how this first time, then we're gonna cap off your IV and roam the halls together for awhile. How does that sound? Of course, your friends may want to leave the room unless they'd like to stick around for your sponge bath and belt lesson."

"Lemme just finish setting this up here," McGee turned back to the laptop and began working more quickly. "Tony, do you still have your laptop at home?" He quietly asked and glanced at him sideways. Tony nodded in the affirmative, silently, knowing where Tim was going with this.

"Well, as much as I'm sure Ziva wants to stick around for your sponge bath, I think I'll wait outside. Coming, Timmy?" She paused and raised her eyebrows at him.

Before Tim could respond, Ziva interrupted, "No. I will leave with you. Tony can enjoy his sponge bath, in private." She smirked at him.

"I promise I will not enjoy it, at all." His eyes and tone conveyed the seriousness of his reply, then he quickly turned to the giggling nurse, "No offense."

"None taken. If Mrs. DiNozzo does not object to my giving you your bath, I will be completely professional." She laughed lightly as she continued capping Tony's IV.

"Agent David. I am not his wife." Ziva replied coolly.

Abby and Tim exchanged concerned glances, while Tony furrowed his brow at Ziva.

"I'm sorry, I meant _future_ Mrs. DiNozzo. I'll be right back with the supplies we'll need." The nurse quickly exited the room, clearly unnerved by the sudden tension.

Instead of the fight that Abby and Tim expected, Ziva walked to Tony's beside and he spoke quietly to her.

"Please get something to eat, Zi. You're gonna get dehydrated. You've gotta keep your strength up…for the baby." He brushed her hair out of her face with his newly free hand, and she leaned her cheek into his touch. She silently kissed his forehead, then turned to leave, Abby and McGee following.

Ziva paused at the door, turning back to Tony. "I'll eat, but not for the baby. For you." She turned and left, leaving McGee and Abby to glance back at a conflicted Tony, who remained silent.

"I'll have that live feed hooked up in the apartment by the time you're back in your room, Tony." McGee reassured him. "Abby and I will stay with her."

As the nurse pushed past them into Tony's room, her arms full of bathing supplies, Abby and Tim hurried to catch up with Ziva, who was already waiting in front of the elevators.

"Well, _Mrs._ DiNozzo, your chariot awaits!" Abby happily chirped as the trio entered the elevator. Ziva shot Abby a confused glare, while Tim rolled his eyes.

"We drove here in the hearse," he explained.

Abby was making sandwiches in the kitchen, while Tim worked on Tony's laptop in the living room. The sound of the shower running echoed through the apartment.

When Abby entered, balancing three lunches in her hands, she placed the plates on the coffee table and plopped down on the cushy leather couch.

"How are we gonna do this, Timmy? We're not Tony. And I didn't even know how much she trusted and needed him!" She gave an exasperated sigh and leaned back into the cushions, closing her eyes.

Satisfied with his work, Tim left the computer up and running and joined Abby on the couch. "Tony's gonna be here to help us," he grinned.

"What'd you do? Set up the webcam?" Abby mumbled sleepily, not opening her eyes.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" He looked over at her incredulously.

"I'm psychic, McGee," she laughed. "Ziva's been in there an awfully long time. Think we should check on her?" She yawned and stretched.

"I think maybe you should get some sleep and I'll check on her," Tim laughed and rose from the couch, walking back into the hallway. "Ziva?" He called towards the bathroom, "Everything ok?"

Tim heard the shower turn off, and the sound of the shower curtain being pulled aside.

"I am fine, McGee. I will be out in a moment." Ziva's muffled voice came from behind the closed door.

Tim shrugged and made his way back to the living room, only to find a sleeping Abby on the couch. He smiled and grabbed the throw blanket that was on Tony's recliner, gently placing it over her. He sat down and ate his sandwich as quietly as possible. He hadn't realized he'd been so hungry. When the team left the hospital at 2100 last night, Gibbs had driven Ziva back here while he and Abby went back to the Yard to finish their work. They couldn't have slept if they'd wanted to. They were beyond the point of exhaustion. By the time Tim had finished his IA report and statement, and Abby had finished the evidence that the team had originally collected at the scene, Metro had brought in the suspect. And so, they worked throughout the night, matching evidence with ballistics and DNA results, making the case against Tony's would-be killer air tight. Abby and Tim's silent pact was always to do what they could for their friends, even if it was only from afar. Tony and Ziva would do anything for them, even to killing someone else or taking a bullet themselves. It was strange and ironic to see two of the strongest people he knew seemingly crumbling before his very eyes. For as much as he and Abby were the brains behind the brawn, they were now blatantly being asked to stand in as guardians for the dynamic duo while they were at their most vulnerable. It spoke volumes to the true depth of their friendship, and the trust that Tony must have in them. And since Tony had already taken the burden of revelation onto himself on Ziva's behalf, he and Abby could begin working on gaining her trust, as well. He had been there in Somalia. He was the other half of the team that discovered her alive in that hole. He'd helped carry her out to the convoy with Tony. Until she'd stumbled, and in spite of his drug induced stupor and dehydration, Tony had easily lifted her into his arms and carried her the rest of the way. From that point on, he was like a vulture hovering over its prey. He practically snarled at the medical personnel who attempted to assess her immediate condition. If Gibbs hadn't been there to control him, Tim wasn't sure he'd have been able to prevent blood from being shed. He heard the whispered report of the doctor at the base. Whispers of torture, broken bones long since healed, dehydration, malnutrition, numerous lacerations too healed already to stitch, rape, permanent internal damage. He was certain then that if Tony hadn't been receiving his own medical attention at the time and had overheard what Tim overheard, that they would never have brought Tony home from that desert. Even if they'd managed to bring his body back, his mind would have stayed forever there. Forever buried with Ziva's broken soul that had been beaten into the sand. And if they hadn't managed to bring back his empty shell with them, well…Tim shuddered at the unthinkable. He wondered how both he and Abby had missed the point since their return when Ziva must have finally told him everything that he probably already surmised. Maybe it was such a gradual release of information that Tony was able to keep his charade going, unnoticed at work. He was always good at acting. So was she. And when they acted together, it was like front row seating to Romeo and Juliet, complete with the careful waltzing around each other, the intimate glances, the unintended betrayal, the penultimate heartache. But, they were such fine actors that the audience was never privy to the whole scene. The silent trysts were visible, but never readable. It was dramatic improvisation, and occasionally comical, too. They just never stuck to the script. And yet gave him the whirlwinds of ideas to write a story that was simply too fantastic to be only fiction. He was certain that they did it on purpose, at least a little. How could it not be intentional? How could two people do that, and not even realize it? Tim casually noticed his thought process getting blurry and illogical as his head repteadedly bobbed onto Abby's shoulder. Before he drifted off into slumber, he briefly considered Tony might kill him for falling asleep on the job.

Ziva walked out into her living room after dressing and drying her hair to find her friends sleeping soundly on the couch. She realized they had been up all night, making sure the shooter would not go free while she selfishly attempted to sleep and forgot about the rest of the world. She went back into the hallway, retrieving a large blanket from the linen closet along with two pillows. She used the blanket to cover Tim, and placed a pillow on either side of the pair, should they awaken and need one. She smiled sweetly at them. They were the personification of yin and yang. Tim's conservative, clean-cut image was the mirror opposite of Abby's gothic style, and their personalities followed suit. He was so patient and calm. She was so impatient and hyper. And yet they shared the same logical minds and the same loving hearts. Those common bonds held them together in a friendship that had withstood the test of time and long ago, a failed romance. Ziva studied them and realized she expected them to renew that endeavor before long, if they had not already. Abby had been right. She and Tony had been spending so much time healing themselves and shutting out the rest of the world, they had inadvertently isolated themselves from their little family. If Abby and Tim were seeing each other again, she would not even know it. She wondered if Tim always snored like this; she had never noticed it before. When she heard a snort and a yawn, she became concerned that perhaps _she_ was the one dreaming. His face had not moved, nor had his mouth opened. She turned around to the coffee table, where two sandwiches and an empty plate were still waiting. She stared mindlessly at the food, still debating the state of her consciousness when a familiar voice startled her.

"Pick one and eat it, David."

Ziva rubbed her eyes furiously with her fists, blinked several times and then pinched her own arm for good measure. Yes, she was definitely awake. Losing her mind perhaps, but awake. "Tony?" She whispered to the quiet room, looking around her.

"I'm over here, Zi. The desk, on the laptop," he directed.

"Sssh, not so loud. Tim and Abby have fallen asleep on the couch. They worked all night. You should not have sent them here to babysit me." Ziva whispered as she unplugged the laptop charger from the wall and picked it up, carrying it back into the bedroom.

"Nuh uh, you march your sweet little ass back out there and get one of those plates. Not the empty one either! I want to see you eat." Tony's forceful but steady voice filtered out from the speakers.

"What? Are you going to stay awake for the entire week and watch me from your hospital bed like an eagle?" Ziva retorted in frustration.

"Yeah, if I have to." She saw him sigh and run a hand through his hair. She could see his other was once again hooked to the IV drip. "And it's a hawk. Now, stop stalling and go get the damn sandwich…please?"

She put up her hands defensively, "Fine, Tony. I will be right back."

Ziva returned with the sandwich and sat on their bed cross-legged, with the laptop facing her and the plate on her lap. "Tony, are you in pain? You only speak like that when something is truly bothering you." Ziva raised her eyebrows at him and took a bite out of the sandwich. She suddenly realized how honestly ravenous she was.

"Yeah, that nurse turned out to be a real slave-driver. Made me walk the whole damn floor. I'm kinda hurtin' now. But, it's fine." He smiled weakly at her. "How's the sandwich?"

"Mmm, so good. I did not realize I was hungry until now," she replied with her mouth full, taking another bite as soon as she'd swallowed.

"Oh God, that looks so good. I am so hungry, wah!" Tony mimicked crying and threw his head back. "How're you feeling? Throw up anymore?"

"No, I have not. But, Tony, you are in the hospital, you would not know even if I had. And if I do, I will not tell you because you do not need to be worried about me. You need to rest and recover." Ziva swallowed again and grabbed the glass of milk she'd also brought in from the nightstand.

Tony sighed and ran his hand through his hair again, "Look, Zi. I know I can't be there right now to take care of you, and I'm sorry, but this is the best I can do. I'll be home soon."

Ziva stifled a laugh, in order to swallow her milk. "Tony, do not be ridiculous! You are only in the hospital right now because you were taking care of me! And if you do not follow orders and do what you are supposed to in order to recover these next six weeks, how will you be able to care for me the next eight months? Now, please call the nurse and get something for your pain. I can see how bad it is."

Ziva reached down to pick up the sandwich again only to find an empty plate and stared at it in disbelief. Tony, from his vantage, witnessed all this and laughed heartily only to grab his side and wince.

"I did not realize I had eaten it all. I was hungrier than I thought. Now, please-"

Ziva was cut off by a voice coming from Tony's room that she could not see. "Agent DiNozzo, it's time for your meds. They'll be bringing your tray shortly."

Ziva could vaguely see a different nurse than this morning, at the side of Tony's bed.

"See? It's being taken care of, now stop worrying and go get another sandwich." Tony smirked at her.

"I'm sorry, Agent DiNozzo, but what?" Ziva heard the nurse question Tony.

"Oh," he chuckled. "Sorry, I'm talking to _my wife_," he looked pointedly at the screen, "on my laptop."

"Oh! I didn't realize you were married," she giggled at him. Ziva saw her bend down to stare at the computer and give a little wave. She was young and blonde, Tony's usual preference, Ziva thought ruefully. "Your husband is quite the handsome patient, Mrs. DiNozzo. You're a lucky woman." The nurse stood again and left the view of the webcam.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Thank you, and yes I am, but we're not married…yet."

"She's gone already, Zi." Tony laughed.

"Perhaps to get more supplies for another sponge bath?" Ziva raised an eyebrow.

"Man, I hope not! That was miserable enough before!" He shuddered at the thought.

"Well, the morning nurse was simply not your type. I think this one is more to your liking." Ziva answered and finished off the glass of milk.

"There is only one woman I want bathing me, and she's the same dark-haired beauty I've been chasing to the ends of the earth, literally, for the past two years." He said, seriously, raising his eyebrows and staring at the screen.

"Oh, really? And have you caught her, yet?" She playfully asked.

"Yes, finally. Though she has this annoying tendency to still try and push me away. And I've made the one commitment to her that I never thought I had in me."

"And what is that?"

"Everything," he replied simply.

"You need to stop calling me your wife to complete strangers. We are not husband and wife, yet. It is lying." She spoke evenly and moved the empty plate from her lap to the nightstand with the empty glass.

"So, make it the truth. I want to be your husband before the baby comes." He quietly shot back.

Ziva laughed. "How are we supposed to plan a wedding with everything else that is going on? We have not even discussed it, yet!"

"Well, I have six weeks suddenly freed up, and I'm sure you'll be on light duty for awhile. Maybe we can plan it then?" His voice was pathetically hopeful.

Ziva shook her head playfully at him and yawned.

"Hey, I thought you went home to grab a shower? Why are you wearing my pajamas from last night?" Tony suddenly noticed her attire.

"I did shower. I put on your pajamas because they smell like you. I thought it would help me sleep," she shrugged.

Tony yawned. "Well, put the laptop on the bed in my spot, and I'll be right here."

"That is absurd, Tony. I will sleep, I promise. I am exhausted."

"Well, then put it in my spot to help me sleep," he yawned again.

"Putting the computer on the bed in your spot will not change the size of the bed you are in," she chuckled as she positioned the computer to face her, on his side of the bed.

"Yeah, but I'll feel like I'm there with you, and that'll help me relax," he snuggled as best he could into his pillows with his laptop resting in front of him.

Ziva laid her head down on the pillow, resting on her side and facing the laptop. "Goodnight, Agent DiNozzo."

"Goodnight, Agent Mrs. DiNozzo."

"You are not going to drop this, are you?" she mumbled tiredly.

Tony closed his eyes, "Nope."

Ziva kissed her hand and placed it on the image of his face on the screen and closed her eyes.

**It's Holy Week and I probably won't be able to update again until next week. So, here's a nice, long, fluffy chapter to hold you over! It's late and I don't have time to re-read the whole thing. Let me know if you find any mistakes; they're all mine! **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Shoutouts to my faithful reviewers and fellow authors who have so kindly taken me under their wings: fieryprophet and xenascully. I can only hope to achieve your levels of awesomeness. And a special thanks to SnoopMaryMar, who has (albeit by default), trusted my grammar and spelling enough to make me her back-up beta ;) And a special thanks to secretspark89, your reviews are always too generous! You guys rock and keep me going!**

"Ziva!" Tony bolted upright in bed, searching frantically for his lifeline. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he tried to make sense of his surroundings, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder and a throbbing ache in his side from the sudden movement.

"She was sleeping, Tony, and so were you. I moved the computer over to the table." He instantly recognized the voice as belonging to one Leroy Jethro Gibbs, his boss and mentor. As consciousness slowly took over his groggy mind, he quickly remembered the events of the past few days. She was alive, she was safe. He was in the hospital. And Gibbs…

"I'm gonna be sick," he moaned and lurched to the side of the bed.

Gibbs jumped quickly into action, retrieving the kidney dish in the top drawer of the bedside stand and putting it under Tony's chin in time for him to grasp onto it and throw up the meager contents of his stomach.

"Should I call in the nurse?" Gibbs gently asked.

"No, I'm ok. But, I need the computer. I can't turn it off while she's sleeping." Tony took the towel Gibbs proffered and wiped his mouth, placing the dish on the stand and reaching for the laptop.

"You stalking her, or something?" Gibbs smirked.

"I promised her I'd watch over her," Tony lamely responded.

Gibbs knew he was holding back, but didn't push the issue. Tony opened the laptop, and seeing Ziva still sleeping, left it open on the table and laid back down on his own pillows, sighing and rubbing his hand over his weary face. Gibbs went back to the chair on the opposite side of Tony's bed and sat down, almost magically retrieving a coffee cup from underneath and taking a long swig.

"I've heard that patients coming out of anesthesia and being on painkillers like morphine can make for some pretty vivid dreams. That happening to you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs quietly prodded, raising his eyebrows in his senior agent's direction.

Tony chuckled, a truly demented sound emanating from deep in his throat. "If that's true, then I've had a morphine addiction since the second you told me she died on the Damocles."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "_Well, I wasn't expecting that,_" he thought. "I thought Ziver was the only one having nightmares?" It was spoken as a statement, more than a question.

"Yeah, well, I'm just a better actor than she is, I guess," Tony replied dryly.

"You wanna tell me why you're still acting?"

"You wanna tell me why you were kissing my fiancée?" Tony suddenly sat up in bed, a stone-cold look in his eyes.

"You're not acting now." Gibbs sat back in his chair, nearly afraid of the murderous glare coming from his Senior Agent. Nearly. He realized that Tony must've been given another round of pain meds after his first PT session, and was speaking in a harsh, uncensored manner because of it.

"No, I'm not, Gibbs. I am dead serious."

Gibbs sighed and ran his hand over his haggard face and took a long sip of his coffee. "I think maybe you should ask her, DiNozzo."

"Oh, I did. She wouldn't give me any details; just told me that what I saw wasn't what I thought. Except, the thing is, I'm a pretty decent investigator. I trust my eyes a lot more than my heart." Tony's glare never wavered, though his voice was eerily calm.

"And what does your heart have to say about it, then?" Gibbs whispered.

"I'd like to believe that you wouldn't do that to me, Boss. But, I don't know. I really don't. First you egg me on with Rivkin. Tell me to 'keep on it.' Then, you throw me under the bus when it comes time to face the music. You abandon Ziva in Israel, essentially signing her death warrant. And when by, miracle of miracles, we find her alive in that hole in the desert, you tell me to give it time. It's like you've always known how much I love her, thanks to that fascinating gut of yours. You help me get the mission to Somalia over on Vance. You got why Rivkin bothered me, even if you didn't admit it, and knew why I was the best guy for the job with him. But, your stupid-ass rules have kept us apart for years. And _my _gut tells me there's more to it than that. I don't know what to think. So, why don't you tell me what _you_ were thinking." Tony was snarling by the time he uttered his last words, albeit rambling rather inconsistently.

Gibbs knew he was going to have this out with DiNozzo eventually; he just didn't expect it to be anytime soon. Maybe that was wishful thinking. He certainly didn't want to do it while Tony was in a hospital, recovering from a gunshot wound and with a drug-induced cloud fogging his brain. And the impending arrival of a little David-DiNozzo certainly wasn't the most ideal of situations. But, maybe he finally needed to hear it before things really got out of hand.

"I knew you could fight your own way with Eli. I never had any doubt in you, that was all Vance. I had your six behind closed doors. And Ziva abandoned herself in Israel, the minute she asked me to choose between the two of you."

Tony blanched and his eyes began frantically searching the air in front of him, trying to make sense of Gibbs' words. "What?" He finally managed to choke out.

"That's right. It wasn't me. It was her. She couldn't work with you, anymore. Wanted you transferred to another team as a condition of her return. The whole thing smelled fishy to me, but I wasn't willing to take that chance." Gibbs carefully studied Tony's reaction, wondering where this discussion was going to lead.

Tony's visage of confusion mixed with horror quickly changed to one of determination. "That doesn't matter. Eli must have forced her hand; I'd think you would be smart enough to figure that out. And if it came between me and her, I'd leave the team in a heartbeat. _Especially_ if it meant keeping her safe," he finally replied through gritted teeth.

"What are you doing, DiNozzo? You don't even love her. Not really. You can't keep overcompensating with Ziva because of Kate. It's over, finished. You weren't at fault when Kate died, and you can't keep punishing yourself for Ziva's bad decisions." The harsh words Gibbs spoke contrasted with the look of sadness and concern for the man who had grown to be like a son to him.

Tony's eyes narrowed and he took a deep shaking breath. "What did you just say to me?"

Gibbs never flinched. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but Tony needed to finally hear it.

"You. Don't. Love. Her." He kept his voice calm and steady, hoping it would sink through the younger man's often thick skull. He was truly worried about the path his agents were taking, and now, a baby would only complicate matters. He didn't doubt DiNozzo's love for his offspring, but staying in a marriage just for a child was no way to live, for anyone. He only hoped that he could make Tony see the error of his ways, before it was too late. Hell, it had only recently dawned on _him_ what was really going on, here. And the idea that it took his Senior Agent taking a bullet to make him realize it was terrifying. There was always something in Tony's behavior towards Ziva that he could never quite put his finger on, and even he had been fooled into believing it was love. But, the course of events over the last few days made him rethink that idea. And as much as it shocked him to realize that Tony was using Ziva as a way to make amends for Kate, it was equally shocking that Ziva was using DiNozzo as some kind of shield from the real world that she could no longer handle. He loved them both like his own children, and he just couldn't let them keep doing this to each other. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't right. They were both losing their grips on reality, and someone had to pull them back. Gibbs was startled from his own thoughts by a whispering that he nearly didn't hear.

"Get. Out." The look on Tony's face was unmistakably violent, though his voice never betrayed his thoughts.

Gibbs knew when not to argue. He understood that the man would need time to think about what he'd said, and he respected it. He could only hope that Tony would, honestly, think about it. To make his point, he turned in the doorway and spoke gently to DiNozzo.

"Think about it, Tony. You'll see that I'm right." Then, he turned and walked away.

Tony slammed his head down into his pillow, jaw clenching involuntarily, trying to blink the murderous thoughts from his mind. He was interrupted by someone quickly poking their head in the door. He practically snarled when he saw Gibbs' silver head staring back at him.

"Oh, and DiNozzo? I told you to stay on top of Rivkin, not get the shit beat out of yourself until you had no choice but to shoot him." With that, Gibbs was gone.

Tony drew a deep breath and held it until he felt dizzy. He let it out in an audible gush, and closed his eyes. He opened them quickly, remembering the present and checked the computer monitor. Ziva was still asleep, snoring softly on her side, facing away from the computer. Tony studied her sleeping form and let his mind wander. He loved the way she snored, even though he'd never admit it to her. It was a constant, even if only subliminal, reminder of her presence at night. Her dark curly hair was splayed all over her pillow. She'd been experimenting with different styles, lately, but he still preferred it in its natural, wildly curly, state. Her curvy form moved rhythmically in time with her steady breathing, and he appreciated it. He missed the healthier version of her body, before Somalia. He was still going to have to think of ways to entice her appetite, at least until she began eating normally again for herself. She stirred on their bed, and he recognized the signs of her dreaming. This one didn't seem too bad, and he thought he might not have to intervene. There wasn't much he could do except call to her, anyway. How lame. His gig as lover and father was seriously being dampened by all this hospital business. He wondered if he'd really have to stay the entire week, even if he amped up his efforts in physical therapy. He glanced at the clock on the wall, barely able to make it out in the darkness of the room. 2100. He yawned, then checked again on Ziva. He hoped she'd make it through the night; the woman never let herself rest enough. How could it not be love? How could Gibbs even think that? Even during the anguish of Kate's death, he'd felt an immediate spark between himself and Ziva. Now Jeanne. That was something that was not love. He cared about her, yes. He'd be lying if he said he didn't, but that wasn't real. He'd been lying to himself, not only her. It had just felt so good to have someone to come home to. It would have been nice if he could've shared the details of his actual life with her. Like, the night that he went to her after Paula's death. He should've been able to simply tell her what had happened, and let her comfort him. Instead, he professed his love for her, knowing it was what she wanted to hear, and with the fear of the ever-ticking clock of life being shoved into his face. He'd been out of his mind with grief, anger, fear…it had clouded his judgment. Was that all this was with Ziva? Clouded judgment? It couldn't be, could it? He thought carefully, painstakingly. The same factors were all there. The grief, anger, and fear of the summer. The suffocating relief when she was miraculously brought into the holding cell. When he let Jeanne go, when he chose his real life over their fake one, it had hurt. But, it didn't choke him. Didn't make him go through the robotic motions of life in a daze. Not like last summer. Not like with Ziva. With Ziva, it had been different. Different from all the rest. The others hurt him; tore off little pieces of his heart with each dramatic exit. But her, well, her simple exit nearly killed him. But, that wasn't love…?

_It was dark, and not dank but dry. She could hear the wind whistling over the sands, and the muffled distant sounds of her captors. But, she was not alone in her prison. Something, no, someone was here with her. He was always here. Whether she imagined him or not, his presence never wavered. She licked her cracked lips and swallowed, barely enough saliva to quench her parched throat. She smelled the salt of her sweat, and the coppery scent of her own blood. She lay, curled in the fetal position on the dusty floor. When he'd finished violating her, he'd simply left her there, knowing she was too weak to cause him any further trouble. And he was lazy and tired after exhausting himself on her body. Her abdomen ached and pounded in time with her heart, which had not yet settled into a resting beat. She forced herself into an upright seated position when a shadow crept silently into the room. As the looming figure stumbled closer, her eyes were able to identify the form of the large, strong man who had undoubtedly, finally, come to her rescue. She could see his hands clutching at his chest, and that his steps were labored. He stops, close enough for her to see the green eyes, but far enough to be out of reach. He meets her eyes and reveals what he has been hiding. A large, gaping hole, pouring forth life. The sight does not even shock her, anymore._

"_Your heart," she whispers._

"_For you," he breathes back and wavers on his legs._

_She looks down at her own hands and sees it still beating there. Looking back up to him for answers, she finds she is alone again. But his heart remains, still and silent. Cold, in her hands._

Tim awoke to the distinctive sounds of sobbing. Opening his eyes, he frantically tried to remember where he was. Instinctively, he reached for the warm body curled against him. His movements stirred her awake, and she stretched and yawned.

"Timmy, what's wrong?"

"Sssh. Abby, do you hear that?" McGee whispered.

Abby cocked her head to listen more attentively. She looked over to the readout on the cable box, illuminating the darkness. 1:00 am. When she finally heard it, she choked back a sob of her own. "My God, Tim, she's _crying_. In her sleep!"

"Should we wake her? Where's the laptop?" Tim looked around the room.

Abby rose from the couch and began creeping towards the hallway. "It's in her room, Tim. I can see the light from here. She must've taken Tony with her when we fell asleep."

"If he's sleeping, he won't hear her," Tim muttered. "We shouldn't wake him unless we have to."

"I agree, but what should we do? We can't just let her cry in her sleep, like that!" She threw her arms up in the air, gesturing her frustration and sadness.

"I know, I know. Hold on, let me think," he rubbed the heels of his palms on his temples.

Before either of them could come to a decision, they heard Tony's groggy voice over the speakers, "Sssh, Zi. It's ok, I'm right here. You're home, you're safe. I'm right here. I love you; go back to sleep." They heard him yawn and then a rustling sound on the bed.

Abby looked back to Tim, her eyes welling with tears as she mouthed silently, "Awwww!"

Tim grinned, in spite of himself, and motioned for her to come back to the couch. He stretched out on his back, feeling the distinctive popping in his spine. He realized there were now pillows and blankets scattered on the couch and floor, and propped one of the pillows under his head trying to get more comfortable. When Abby was certain that Ziva was sleeping soundly, again, she tip-toed her way back to the couch, stopping in front of it and putting her hands on her hips as she looked down at McGee, who was sprawled out over its expanse.

"Do you expect me to sleep on the floor, Timmy?"

He laughed quietly. "This couch is a lot wider than your coffin. Come on, there's plenty of room." He rolled up onto his side with his chest facing the edge of the couch and Abby, opening his arms for her. She gingerly took her place as he wrapped his arms around her and snuggled his chin into the top of her head. "See? I told you we'd both fit," he whispered through a stifled yawn.

Abby snuggled her back closer to Tim's chest and yawned, herself. "Yes, Timmy. I know. You're always right." She reached down to the floor in front of the couch, retrieving one of the blankets there and haphazardly draped it over them. After readjusting to get comfortable, they were both asleep again in minutes.

**Well, I think Gibbs' little revelation to Tony and Ziva's rather heavy dream sequence are enough angst for this chapter. Sorry for the delay in updating, but I warned you ahead of time! This chapter also really gave me a run for my money; I had a serious case of writer's block until I found some notes I had previously scribbled on a scrap of paper about how to continue this. I forgot to mention above a big thank you to everyone who has also added this story or myself to their favorites and update lists. If you have a suggestion, or any helpful criticism, send it on over! Be on the lookout for possibly two one-shots that popped into my head after reading speculation about ep 7.21 on the CBS boards. Speaking of CBS, I guess I should put another disclaimer in here…"so let it be written, so let it be done." *sigh* I love Yul Brynner!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thanks to LouC, YellinYee, and SnoopMaryMar for being my own personal chat room associates about all things NCIS! And undoubtedly also for the lessons on Canadian government and Australian television! :P Sorry for the delay, but I've had a serious case of writer's block. On that note, I've moved the story up a bit, to try and ease back into it…**

Ziva stirred and rose on her elbow to glance at the clock on the far nightstand. Her line of sight was immediately drawn to the form beside her, his chest rising and falling in the rhythmic breathing of sound sleep. Her dream-clouded mind was instantly and involuntarily plunged back in time, to another place…

_ She had run for the women's restroom after their interlude with Delores, intent on getting her unusually girly emotions back under control before anyone else could witness her near breakdown. It had been so refreshing, and honestly shocking, to witness the better side of humanity in the midst of all the sorrow and pain of their most recent case, and her most recent adventure, if one could even call it that. It had been so simple, and yet so powerful, that gesture of a well-thought out gift. Especially from a man who until more recently, she was pretty sure, never put that much thought into anything except his next meal. She was startled from her calming thoughts by the sound of the lock turning on the restroom door. Looking up, she wasn't as surprised as she could have been to see Tony smirking at her, leaning against the door in his very own sexy, movie-star way. _

"_Everyone else has gone for the night, Zi-va. What are you still hanging around for?" He began slowly approaching the sink, and her. If she had been paying more attention, she would have seen that he was hiding something, fiddling with his hand uncharacteristically in his suit-coat pocket._

"_I am just freshening up and then heading out. Why are you here, Tony?"_

_And there it was. Both partners were instantly transported back into the summer of their own personal hells. Her eyes glazed over, and she dumbly stared at the mirror in front of her, unwilling and unable to bring herself back to the present. His determination fueled by both of their reactions, he ever-so-gently swiped her hair from her back and quickly, yet deftly swung the gift around her neck, fastening it in the back with hands that should have been too large to maneuver so well. Placing his hands on her shoulders in a comforting, non-threatening way, he leaned in and whispered quietly, lovingly, into her ear, "Come back to me."_

_The cold metal brought her out of her daze, and she absentmindedly brought her right hand up to finger the pendant now resting on her chest. As her eyes began to focus again, she saw the gleaming Star of David and vaguely remembered the moments leading up to its presentation. Fully aware of her surroundings, she turned, but found only an empty room._

"Zi, what's wrong?" Tony's groggy voice shook Ziva gently from her reverie, and she looked down at the man next to her, wondering when she had begun caressing his chest and what time it was.

"I am sorry, Tony. I did not mean to wake you. I simply wanted to check the time, and I must have fallen asleep again like this." She attempted a quiet laugh, but knew it wouldn't fool him.

Sure enough, he cracked one eye open to look at her skeptically, and then turned his head to the clock on his nightstand.

"It's only 0200. Go back to sleep." He yawned and turned to roll onto his left side, immediately wincing and remembering himself, turning onto his back again.

"Tony, please let me prop you up with a pillow so that you will not be tempted to do that. I hear you wince often in your sleep, and I know that it would help you." She caressed his bicep, trying to soothe his pain.

"No, it's really not necessary. Stop worrying about me, I'm fine. Just go back to sleep; you need your rest." He shut his eyes obstinately, signaling the end of his side of the conversation.

Ziva frowned and ceased her meager ministrations to him. Pulling her hand back to her own body, she opened her mouth to say something, thought better of it, and thumped back down onto her own pillow with a huff. As she lay facing him, she studied him, knowing he was not yet asleep again. She still could not rationalize his strange behavior since she had brought him home from the hospital two days ago. His stay had been uneventful, with the whole team taking turns to visit him and make sure he was obeying the nurse's orders and not being too ill-tempered. They kept their laptops on during the nights, and Ziva's nightmares slowly receded back into the depths of her mind with his soothing through the speakers. Abby or Tim, and twice both, had insisted on sleeping in the living room until Tony was back home. Tony insisted he didn't need a babysitter overnight, and no one put up much of a fight against him (she concluded they were all conspiring against her). The only presence that had been strangely missing for the remainder of the week was Gibbs. She'd just assumed that he was doing what he did best to cope…working. But, after he didn't show up at their apartment or even call these last two days since Tony had been back home, her mind had begun forming its own ideas of events. Was he truly angry that they had been breaking rule twelve behind his back for months? No, whether he had admitted it out loud or not, he had known. Was he upset about the pregnancy, and her impending desk duty and maternity leave? No, he had seemed supportive when she first told him about the baby. The only rational thing she could come up with was that Tony had broken his promise and had it out with Gibbs over what he saw in the basement. That conversation must have gone indescribably bad for Tony to be acting the way he was, and for Gibbs to seemingly abandon his injured senior agent. Still, she couldn't connect Tony's cold behavior towards her with an argument between him and Gibbs. It didn't make sense. Knowing Tony, if he hadn't forgiven her for her indiscretion, there was no way he would have come home to recuperate for the next six weeks with her as his only company.

Ziva yawned, the dark hold of night and sleep beginning to take over her spinning thoughts. Tony's chest was, once again, moving in perfect rhythm as he slept peacefully. She placed her hand carefully and gently back on his chest. She still needed the physical reminder of his presence to sleep without dreaming.

Tony awoke, much to his chagrin, at 0600. Yawning, he looked over at the woman still sleeping soundly, curled around his arm. The doctors had advised her against any rigorous activity for the next six weeks, so she had given up her usual morning runs in favor of sleeping in, apparently. He'd been doing his own research on pregnancy, since he was also on strict orders to rest. And while Ziva assumed he was playing games on the laptop to pass the time, he'd been discovering that the first trimester was usually exhausting for the mother-to-be, and also exactly what a trimester was. Still, it surprised him that his ninja was falling victim to the common complaints of pregnancy. Nothing about the woman was common. He'd expected her pregnancy to be as uncommon as she was, or at the very least, for her to not relinquish herself to it so easily. Still, he was grateful for every day that the pregnancy continued. Her admission of the chances of it going to full-term was always in the back of his mind. He regretted his inability to enjoy this forced time at home with her, and their seemingly commonplace life, all of a sudden. Gibbs' words still weighed heavily on his mind, and he just couldn't seem to shake them. He figured by this point, his mind was trained to expect the worst and to not be able to take things as happily as they seemed. Ziva, for her part, was trying. And it tore at his heart to think he was not reciprocating her effort. She had, within the span of his hospital stay, become a doting fiancée and typical pregnant woman, abandoning the fierce assassin persona that she usually displayed. It reminded him of their time without Gibbs. He ruefully admitted that even he could not stop thinking of the man. The enigma of him colored their whole lives. It was disgusting. Why was this so hard? Why was it so difficult to just leave work at work, and be home, and content, at home? He guessed he was breaking both rules eleven and twelve, now. Tony rubbed his free hand over his face, feeling his beard scratch against his palm. He hadn't been able to shave in the hospital, and since Ziva claimed she liked the look on him, he'd left it since he got home. He wasn't allowed to shower for another week, so his trips to the bathroom had been just to freshen up as best he could, anyway. He didn't know how he was going to make it through another five weeks of this without going stark, raving mad. It was bad enough that his trust in his pregnant fiancée had been shaken more than last spring, that his trust in his mentor and father-figure had been shattered to pieces, but all this not being allowed out of the apartment to take his mind off things was really going to do him in. Being left alone to stew in his thoughts was a dangerous situation. And he was back to his usual defenses of walls and deflections. In his own defense, he didn't think Ziva needed to know what Gibbs thought of their relationship. It could only hurt her, and it wasn't true, right? Right?

He sighed and attempted to turn on his good side to face her, finding that it really wasn't difficult and didn't cause him any pain. "_If I weren't being so stubborn, I could've been sleeping like this the last two nights!_" He thought to himself, ruefully. His stirring awoke her and she smiled groggily up at him as he brushed her hair from her face and gazed lovingly at her.

"I'm sorry, Zi. I didn't mean to wake you. I was just trying to get more comfortable, and this well, is more comfortable." He grinned sheepishly at her, his eyes communicating his apology for his recent behavior.

"It is alright, Tony. I am still getting used to sleeping so late. I would have woken up, anyway." She yawned and blinked sleepy eyes at him.

Tony chuckled softly, "I doubt that. You've been so tired, lately. It's totally normal though in the first trimester."

Ziva raised her brows at him. "You have been doing more than playing games on the computer these last few days, yes?"

"Yes."

"I am surprised at you, Tony. I did not think you would want to know all the gory details." She patted his cheek gently.

"Why wouldn't I want to know what is going on with my own kid?" He furrowed his brow, truly offended. The foul mood that had briefly lifted off his shoulders was back, full-force, and he quickly disentangled himself from Ziva and hoisted himself off the bed. Before Ziva could utter a word to stop him, he had closed and locked the bathroom door.

She lay back on the pillow and closed her eyes, breathing deeply to force back the building sobs in her chest. It was time to get some help.

"Ziva, my dear! What are you doing in? I thought you were on leave for another five weeks? Is something wrong?" Ducky looked up from his current autopsy, imperceptibly nodding for Jimmy to take a break.

Jimmy stopped on his way out to give Ziva an uncharacteristically warm, yet still awkward, hug. "Mind if I stop over tonight, Ziva?"

"Of course not, Jimmy. You are welcome, anytime." She sincerely replied.

As Jimmy made his way out of autopsy, Ducky began shedding his gloves and gown. "Now, my dear, what can I do for you?"

"I need your help, Ducky. Tony has been acting…odd. Since his return home from the hospital. He seems, almost…moody. I am not sure what to make of it. Is this normal after the type of injury he received?" She was pacing the room and wringing her hands, not making eye contact.

"It would seem he is not the only one to have undergone quite the behavioral change recently," Ducky chuckled, attempting to lighten her worried heart.

Ziva looked up and stood still, in surprise. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It is just that I do not remember seeing you so worried for his welfare since we sat at a bar together one evening, long ago. I certainly have never seen you wring your hands over anything, before."

"Oh…that," she laughed. "Yes, well. Tony says I am just being a typically moody, sleepy, pregnant woman. Apparently, he has been doing some reading lately."

"Well, that is admirable. It seems he is eager to take an active role in not just fatherhood, but to understand your pregnancy, as well. Does that trouble you?"

"What? No. I am a little surprised, to be sure, but pleased. Why do you ask?" She looked at him, confusedly.

"Well, you said you were troubled by his behavior since his return from the hospital. Is this what you were referring to?" Ducky gestured in the air, to illustrate his point.

"Oh. I am sorry, Ducky. No, that is not what is bothering me. He seems to be the moody one, actually. It is as if he has been avoiding me, as much as possible since he came home. I cannot figure out what his problem is." She sighed. "I suppose I have to give you some background information as you call it, yes?"

Ducky simply gazed at her, waiting for her to continue.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I was very upset. Well, no. Not upset. Numb. Yes, numb is the correct word. I could not feel anything. Neither happiness nor sadness nor excitement nor terror. Anyway, I began to take it out on Tony, as I usually do. We got into a horrible fight, and I left the apartment. He did not come after me. I drove around until I wound up at Gibbs' house. He listened to me and helped me to make sense of things, in his own silent way. You know how he is. Anyway, I kissed him to thank him for his time, and just then Tony walked in. He thought he saw something more in it, and he left. When I got home a little later, it was obvious that he'd had a total breakdown over it. And when I say breakdown, Ducky, I mean, total breakdown. I have never seen Tony in such a state before. Anyway, we talked it out and I thought things were going to get better, and then he was shot. Trying to protect me and our child." She stopped for a breath and shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek. "It's all he's ever tried to do, and yet, I have always pushed him away."

Ducky furrowed his brow, trying to make sense of her ramblings and commit everything to memory, but remained silent, waiting to see if there was more.

Ziva shook her head, clearing her mind of the gnawing guilt and continued with her tale. "When he awoke at the hospital and I found out he was going to be alright, it was though we'd been given yet another chance at happiness and a real life. And we both, he and I, seemed grateful and ready to embrace it, at all costs." She raised her eyebrows, indicating more than was said aloud and Ducky nodded his understanding.

"But, since I have brought him home it is as though we never discussed anything. Never received another shot at it. He has been acting as though he is only there because of our baby, not because of me. I sometime think I physically repulse him. And to make matters worse, Gibbs has not called or stopped over. I do not know what to make of it, Ducky, except that they fought over what Tony thinks he saw. They must have done it while I was being forced to rest while Tony was still at the hospital. It is all I can come up with. Tony _promised_ me that he trusted me and would forget about it." She sighed as she attempted to unsuccessfully choke back a sob. "What am I supposed to do, now?"

Ducky came up beside her and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders, squeezing empathetically. "Now, now, my dear. You mustn't cause yourself and your young one any undue stress. You leave all of this to me, hmm? I will help you to sort it all out."

He kissed her hair as she laid her head down on his shoulder, continuing to sob. He was going to have to talk with both of those stubborn, head-strong idiots. Soon.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Major, I mean massive, props to LunaZola because…YOU GET IT!!!!!! :P Also, did anyone else think 'Moonlighting' was the funniest episode in quite awhile? Oh, and I still own nothing…**

Tony awoke to the sound of knocking on his front door. The apartment was otherwise dark and still, and he wondered how it was possible he'd slept the whole day. As he gingerly got out of bed and made his way to the living room, a twinge of guilt and overpowering worry ran through his mind as to Ziva's whereabouts. When Tony opened the front door to reveal Palmer, he was well and truly confused.

"Jimmy? What are you doing here?" Tony couldn't help but wonder if he was still asleep and dreaming. But, he stepped aside to allow his guest entrance.

"I told Ziva I was gonna drop by. Didn't she tell you?" Jimmy whirled around and pushed his glasses up on his nose, in an attempt to mask his sudden discomfort.

"Uh, no. I think I slept the whole day. I honestly have no idea where she is. I haven't seen her since this morning." Tony closed the front door and turned on the living room light, making his way to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water from the pitcher in the fridge.

As Jimmy followed Tony into the kitchen, he studied his appearance. Tony looked older every year, and it was obvious that the rigors of his demanding job were beginning to take their toll on the once lively, healthy, young agent. "Is everything ok, Tony? Ziva seemed kind of upset when she came in to see Dr. Mallard this afternoon."

"She went to the yard? She's supposed to be taking it easy," Tony slammed his glass on the counter, causing Jimmy to jump. "I'm sorry, Palmer. I didn't mean to startle you. It's just frustrating that she never seems to take her own health very seriously, but now it's not just her I've got to worry about. Can I get you something to drink? Eat?"

"Uh, no, Tony. I'm good, thanks. How are you feeling? You seem to be moving around well enough." Jimmy cleared his throat, sensing Tony's anger and not wanting to end up as his unintended target.

"I'm still sore and I have trouble sleeping cuz I'd normally sleep on my left side, but other than that, it's going ok. I'd love a shower, though. That kinda sucks." He smirked.

Jimmy laughed. "Yeah, that is the stinky part of recuperation…literally."

Tony laughed, then winced. "Yeah, laughing is still not all it's cracked up to be, either!"

Jimmy laughed harder. "Good one! You'll be back to yourself before you know it, Tony. Out, saving the world, as usual."

Tony sat down at the kitchen table and glowered. "Yeah, I guess."

Jimmy took Tony's lead and sat down, as well. "Whaddya mean, you guess? You're like, Superman, or something. I don't even think Kryptonite could bring you down! What have you survived, now? The Plague, Mossad assasins, kidnappings, shootings, torture? I mean, what's left?" He chuckled.

"Fatherhood," Tony muttered and took a long swig of his water.

"Yeah, that'll be a whole different ballgame, I imagine. How's Ziva doing, anyway? That's not what she was so upset about earlier, is it?" Jimmy's voice grew panicked as he imagined the worst.

"Uh, no. I don't think so. Unless something happened after I fell asleep, and she didn't bother to wake me."

"She wouldn't do that," Jimmy quickly interjected. When Tony raised his eyebrows, Jimmy furrowed his brow. "She wouldn't not tell you, right, Tony?"

"I honestly don't know, Jimmy. I'm not sure what I know, anymore." Tony was still, staring down at his hands folded around his glass. It unnerved Jimmy to see his usually jovial friend so serious and brooding.

"What's going on with you guys, Tony? I didn't wanna say anything or ask anyone else because, well, frankly, I'm not sure how much anyone else knows. But, it's obvious you two aren't doing as well as you were before this baby news." Jimmy's tone grew concerned for his friends. He'd known about Ziva and Tony's relationship from the beginning, and he knew the couple was keeping it out of the office for fear of being split up by Gibbs or Vance.

Tony sighed. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and searched the air in front of him, as if trying to find the right words. "I really hate to drag anyone else into this, Jim, but I don't know who else to talk to, and I think I really need some help, here. Or, at the very least, a set of unbiased ears. And I hate to talk badly about Ziva or Gibbs, but…I just don't know what else to do." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Gibbs? What does he have to do with anything?" Jimmy furrowed his brow, thinking to himself. "Oh my gosh! Is he splitting you two up?" His eyebrows shot towards his hairline and his head jerked up to look Tony in the eye.

"In a manner of speaking, yeah," Tony laughed dryly. "This information doesn't leave this room, got it?" Tony eyed Jimmy, in all seriousness.

"Yeah. Yeah, I got it." Jimmy leaned forward, waiting on Tony's story.

Tony sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. Everyone knew it was his nervous tell. Or, his tired tell. In this case, the combination of both made the motion more repetitive than usual. "When Ziva suspected she might be pregnant, she didn't bother to tell me. I kind of had my suspicions, but she told me that after what happened in Somalia, she would never be able to have kids of her own, so I just dismissed it as me being paranoid. Then last week, I get home from working late, and she practically attacks me as soon as I walk in the door. Says she wants out, and this will never work, and we're just no good for each other. After one hell of a blowout, she leaves the apartment. She actually threw her ring at me, can you believe that? Well, it's Ziva, so yeah, you can probably believe that… I waited around awhile for her to come back, and when she didn't, I went over to Gibbs' to commiserate, ya know? Have a drink, do some sanding, come back and tackle whatever the problem was. The problem _was_ when I got to Gibbs', I walked down into the basement and walked in on Ziva and Gibbs kissing." Tony took a breath and pushed the bile back down his throat. Jimmy straightened in his chair, a look of pure disbelief and nausea on his own face.

Tony continued before Jimmy had a chance to voice his swirling thoughts on the revelation. "I never said anything to them, just walked out and came back here. I mean, what was I supposed to say? Anyway, she gets home later and starts packing stuff up in the bedroom…to leave me, I guess. I found the pregnancy test in the bathroom and started putting two and two together. When I asked her about it, she said she definitely was pregnant and it was definitely mine and there was nothing going on between her and Gibbs. She said she went over there for the same reason I had, and what I saw was just an innocent kiss of her thanking him for his counsel, I guess. We talked and fought about everything and started spilling our guts about stuff I'd rather not get into right now, but moral of the story was, we were gonna be alright and we were gonna be a real family, no matter how hard it was sometimes to make it work. Then, the crap at the crime scene happens the very next morning and throws a fucking wrench in everything." Tony stopped, narrowing his eyes at nothing in particular and took another swig from his glass.

Jimmy rose from his chair and helped himself to a beer in the fridge, mulling over the information Tony had just provided him with.

"What the hell, Tony? I mean…just…what the hell?" Jimmy twisted the lid off his bottle and took a long swig, placing the beer back on the table with a loud thump and knitting his brows in thought.

"Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg, man. It gets even better, if that's at all possible."

Jimmy looked at Tony in pure shock. "Better?" He squeaked out.

"Oh no, not literally." Tony rose from his seat and began pacing around the kitchen, unable to sit still while finishing his tale of woe and heartache. "Gibbs comes to see me while Ziva's here at home, resting. Tells me I don't even really love her. That I'm just overcompensating in some sick way of making amends for Kate. Tells me that if I think about it, I'll figure out that he's right. Cuz the bastard's ALWAYS right!" Tony screamed the last part and punched his hand into the nearest cupboard, putting a fist-sized hole in the door.

Jimmy jumped up and grabbed Tony's shoulders before he could take another punch at anything else. "Tony! Stop it! You're already injured, you don't need to make it worse!"

"No, you know what, Palmer? That's the problem! I've already made it worse! I can't stop thinking about what the asshole said to me and wondering if maybe, just maybe he _is_ right! I can't even look at Ziva since I got home, let alone touch her or talk to her. And she's trying so damn hard to make everything up to me. It's like she's morphed into some kind of normal, passive, loving housewife and it's just all so fucking disgusting! What the hell is wrong with us? Why can't we just be happy?"

Jimmy sighed and released his grip on Tony to begin his own pacing. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and then took his seat again at the table, deciding the glasses were too much of a bother and throwing them frustratedly on the table. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and motioned for Tony to also sit again, to which he obliged.

"Ok, first of all…and I can't believe I'm saying this because we both know how terrified I am of the man…you have to stop treating Gibbs like some kind of demigod. He's not always right. In fact, in my humble opinion, his personal life leaves something to be seriously desired. I mean, who gets married and divorced that many times, honestly? Secondly, you _love_ Ziva. You know it, she knows it…hell, the whole world knew it before you two admitted it. Third, you're going to be a great father, and you three are going to be very happy, if you just finally throw caution to the wind and take the chance that you all deserve." Jimmy paused, stopping to catch his breath and weigh his next words carefully.

"You guys just…have to choose happiness and whatever semblance of normalcy you can grab over…well, over everything else." Jimmy stopped and quickly downed the rest of his beer, signaling the end of his rant.

"Yeah, that's what I told her that night. I just…I don't know, anymore, Jimmy." Tony rose again and began checking the damage he'd done to the cabinet door, out of nervousness.

"Well, I _do_ know, Tony. It's really that simple. You two just love to complicate things." He chucked dryly.

"You have no idea," Tony muttered and then turned towards the living room when he heard the door opening.

"Ahhh, Jethro. Thank you for coming down. I know it's late and you must be exhausted, but I felt this could not wait." Ducky greeted his latest guest to autopsy.

"What's up, Duck?" Gibbs replied, easily.

Ducky cleared his throat and motioned for Gibbs to sit in the extra chair near his desk, as he rummaged in his drawer for his prized bottle of scotch. As he poured two glasses, Gibbs eyed the aging doctor with curiosity.

"Somethin' on your mind?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes. Well, Ziva came to see me earlier, and she was very troubled about Tony's behavior since his release from the hospital. Troubled isn't exactly the best word for it. More like, distressed. Which, as you well know, speaks volumes of our usually cool-headed friend." Ducky sipped his scotch, waiting to see if Gibbs would volunteer any of the information that he already knew and surmised. When Gibbs kept silent and only sipped his own scotch, the doctor continued.

"She was concerned about your lack of involvement since Tony's release and wondered if it had anything to do with his strange behavior?" Ducky prompted.

Gibbs glared at the ME, not really wanting to discuss his conversation with Tony. "Is Tony experiencing any complications I should know about, Duck?"

Ducky sighed at his lack of progress with his stubborn friend. "In a manner of speaking, yes. It would seem that he is suddenly not as fond with the mother of his child as he had originally led her to believe. Which is odd, because I've never before seen a man so truly in love with a woman." He raised his eyebrows to Jethro.

"You really believe that, Duck?" Gibbs questioned tensely.

"Which part? Tony's love for Ziva?" Ducky was honestly confused at Jethro's question.

"Yeah," he simply replied.

"Well, of course I mean that. It's obvious." He chuckled as memories flitted through his mind. "To everyone but them, for the longest time…" he quietly added, as he continued his mental reminiscing.

"I'm not so sure," Gibbs remarked tersely.

"What do you mean, you're not sure?" Ducky was pulled from his reverie with a harsh glance in his friend's direction.

"I'm not sure he really loves her," was all Gibbs replied, with a shrug of his shoulders for emphasis.

Now Ducky was well and truly befuddled. "Why on earth would you think such a thing, Jethro?"

Gibbs sighed. He could see no way around having this conversation with the man whom he knew prided himself on subversive psychological profiling. "Don't you think their attitudes towards one another are…well, odd?" Gibbs took another swig of the scotch, using the burn in his gullet to ground him to the reality of the conversation at hand.

"Well, no one has ever accused any member of your team of being usual, but that's what makes you all so good at your work. And what makes you all so good for each other. Where are you going with this, Jethro?" Ducky squinted his eyes, trying to determine the direction of Gibbs' sparse replies.

"It's just that, they seem awfully violent with each other at times, Duck. You didn't see what went on during Rivkin, and while we were in Israel. But, in spite of all that, Tony would kill himself for her. He's protective to a fault, dontcha think?" Gibbs was reaching, mentally willing the doctor to confirm his own suspicions.

"I don't think that's true, Jethro. Tony is protective of all of you. Just as you all are of him. You all blame yourselves too easily for things that are without your sphere of control. You all take your jobs to heart, and above all, you all prize loyalty to each other. The Mossad incident was simply a test of that loyalty. I believe you all have emerged from that period stronger, more cohesive, more of a family than you were before." Ducky paused for a sip of scotch and to observe his nearly squirming friend. "Do you not feel the same way?"

Gibbs shook his head to the negative, squinting at the air in front of him, trying to form his thoughts into the right words.

"Jethro, how does this all relate to Anthony's recuperation and strange behavior towards Ziva? I am not quite following your line of reasoning. Did something else occur at the crime scene that I am unaware of?" As the words left his mouth, realization dawned on Ducky. "Dear God, Jethro, you didn't…" he trailed off.

Gibbs nodded quickly. "I did. It was time someone told him, opened his eyes."

Ducky paled and his eyes grew furious. He rose from his chair so abruptly that he sent it sliding across the floor. When he spoke again, his voice was a growling whisper. "How dare you. How dare you voice your own insecurities to an injured man, who was still reeling with the idea of becoming a father and potentially injuring his unborn child and fiancée in an effort to protect them? How dare you abuse your power of leadership to intrude on their personal lives in such a foul, foul manner!" Ducky was visibly shaking with anger, now, all the pieces of the puzzle coming together in his mind.

Gibbs also rose from his chair, gently approaching his friend, opening his mouth to speak some defense of his position, but was stopped when Ducky held his hand up to stop him.

"No. There is nothing you could say to me to make this better, Jethro. How _could you_?" He stopped, and turned his back to Gibbs in an effort to control his anger and gather his thoughts, rationally.

After a few moments of silence, he turned again to Gibbs, facing him with a calm, but stern clarity. "I understand that you have never been the same since Shannon and Kelly's deaths. And I would not dream of dishonoring their cherished memory in any way, not even for your own sake. I knew that there was more to your relationship with Jenny than met the eye, but I dared not interfere in your personal lives, and I will regret that until my dying day. But, I am here to tell you, right now, that your well-meaning rules about relationships have no place in your agents' lives. Not in the field, not in the office, and not at home. You are not a god, Jethro. You have made mistakes. And your agents should not have to pay the price for them. You want to regret something? Fine. Don't make your regrets theirs."

Ducky turned to leave a stunned Gibbs, and then returned, wagging his finger menacingly at him, "Fix it."

And with that, the ME exited autopsy with a silent, angry stride and swoosh of the automatic doors.

**Wow, three updates in one week! I'm on a roll!!! :P**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: My word, it's been a long time since I've written anything! I actually had to go back and re-read the entire story to remember what I'd done. And I must say, this story is awful! It's all over the place, not cohesive enough, and still sounds trite. I made a promise that I would never leave a reader hanging on an unfinished story, though! So sorry to keep you all waiting so long!**

Tony ran into the living room, nearly missing the doorway at the sound of the front door closing with Jimmy hot on his heels. He gingerly held his side, panting from the effort and pain. Rather than the relief that Jimmy expected to see on his friend's face, he found pallor and shock. Following Tony's line of sight to the door, he noticed Ziva was not alone.

"What the hell are you doing in _our_ home?" The guttural whisper that came from Tony caused Ziva's eyes to widen, Gibbs' countenance to harden, and Jimmy to mumble an apology for his existence.

The admonition on the tip of Ziva's tongue was lost when she paid closer attention to her fiancé's stance and breathing. "Tony, what is wrong?" She quickly dropped the few grocery bags she had entered with and approached him to pry his hand from his side.

As quickly as she had forgotten her thought, Tony forgot anyone else was there and removed his hand without her force, instead cupping her face with both his hands and kissing her feverishly like a man possessed. "What do you mean, 'what's wrong?' I wake up to find it's dark and you're not here, and then Jimmy shows up and says you've been to the yard and you were upset, and I've been freaking out, Ziva! Just freaking…out!" He stopped for a breath, and then with raised eyebrow, continued, "Where were you?"

Ziva stepped back to put enough distance between them so she could study Tony's face carefully. She eyed him and took a slow, deep breath before responding. "I did go to NCIS. I wanted to finish up some things and fetch some items from our desks. I also wanted to speak to Ducky about some things, and I thought the rest would be good for you. There was not much you were letting me help you with, so it did not matter if I was here or not. When I was finished in the yard, I went to the grocer for some items. Does that clear things up for you?" As she bent to pick up the bags, she mumbled under her breath, "It is not as if you called to check on me." With that, she brushed past him into the kitchen.

Tony's head dropped and he ran a hand over his face as he sighed. Jimmy put a hand on Tony's shoulder, leaned in and whispered, "Just remember what I said, Tony." With a colder than usual nod towards Gibbs, he made his way out the front door.

Gibbs turned towards Tony with confusion plastered on his face over Palmer's behavior, and raised an eyebrow as he motioned towards the kitchen. Tony glared silently at his unwanted guest and tried to storm into the kitchen. The increasing pain in his side forced his pace to slow and his breathing to quicken.

Gibbs once again raised an eyebrow at his SA, but said nothing as he pushed past him into the kitchen, carrying the bulk of Ziva's grocery bags.

When Gibbs entered the kitchen, he found it deserted and called out, "Ziver? You want me to put these away?"

Tony stood, still gasping for breath just outside the entrance to the kitchen, beginning to double over from the pain. As the room began to spin and he felt his control slipping, he put his arm up against the doorway to brace himself.

Ziva re-entered the kitchen, shaking pills from a medicine bottle and looked up to call to Tony when she noticed him on the other side of the room. She immediately dropped the bottle, it's contents scattering all over the tile floor, her mouth refusing to utter the horror that was plastered on her face, which alerted Gibbs to the situation behind his back.

Whirling around to find Tony quickly crumbling to the floor, Gibbs once again sprang into action to care for his Senior Agent. He jumped the few feet to where Tony was, catching him under his arms around the torso before he could completely hit the floor. By this time, Ziva was by their sides, cradling Tony's head in her lap as Gibbs laid the rest of his long body out flat on the floor.

"Tony! Tony! Gibbs call Ducky." Ziva was patting Tony's cheek, trying to rouse him as tears coursed down her cheeks.

As Gibbs pulled his phone out and opened it, Tony began squirming and mumbling incoherently. Gibbs paused at his task, waiting to see if Tony was coming around and could provide him with any information to relay to the ME.

"Tony, what is it? What is wrong?" Ziva was openly sobbing, tears dripping down onto Tony's face.

"Get out. Get out. Get out," he mumbled like a mantra.

"You want me to leave? Tony, why?" Ziva could not understand his words, and Gibbs remained silent.

"He's not talking to you, Ziva."

Ziva and Gibbs looked up in surprise. In the chaos, neither had noticed the front door open again, revealing one Timothy McGee.

"Ya think he's hearin' voices, or somethin', McGee?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

McGee knelt down to feel his friend's forehead. "You know damn well who he's talking to Gibbs, so why don't you just do as the man asked?" Tim had already set to work checking Tony's stitches, not bothering to face the man he'd practically growled at. "Ziva, can you clear a path to the bedroom and make a spot on the bed? I'll be right behind you with Tony."

Ziva had listened to the exchange silently, her brows knit together in confusion and frustration. But, she gently laid Tony's head on the floor as he continued to roll it back and forth, uttering the same mantra as before, and got up to do as their friend had asked.

When he was sure she was out of earshot, he answered Gibbs' silent question about his outburst.

"I heard everything. The laptop was still on. Get out of here before Ziva finds out." With that, he hoisted Tony up and began trudging with the man towards the bedroom, slumping under the weight of Tony's body against him, and trying to keep Tony alert enough to stay upright.

Pushing his self-preservation aside, Gibbs slowly rose from his position on the floor and rushed to aid Tim in carrying Tony's dead weight back to the bedroom.

Tim raised an eyebrow and frowned at his boss, but paused to let Gibbs get Tony's other shoulder and arm squarely around his neck.

"The least I can do is make sure he's ok," Gibbs mumbled.

"_Ok?_ Gibbs!" Now, Tim halted their forward progress to catch his breath and steel his emotions. He continued on in a forced whisper, "I don't doubt your presence here is the only thing that's made him like this! Not a word to Ziva, do you understand me? Not. One. Damn. Word. I'll deal with you in a minute."

Gibbs could not help his chest from swelling with pride, in spite of the younger agent's anger being directed towards him. He even wished Tony had been lucid enough to witness his Probie grow a pair.

Ziva was waiting at the bedside, talking hurriedly to Ducky on the phone when the three men finally made it into the bedroom. As gently as was possible with the large man, McGee and Gibbs got him into bed and awaited instructions by proxy from the ME. She covered Tony with the sheet and light blanket, then motioned for the other men to follow her out of the bedroom. She closed the door behind her and led them into the living room, where she wearily plopped down on the couch and laid her head back, closing her eyes as she began to speak.

"Ducky says he probably only over-exerted himself. He is not running a fever; has not ripped any stitches open. He is simply not ready to be out of bed, yet. And that I should minimize our stress. He suggested that Abby come over and help me care for him, so that I also would not be alone."

From the bedroom, a muffled moan of "Ziva…" could be heard.

"I will be right back. Tim, could you please call Abby and ask if she will come? I think Ducky is correct. I need the help." Ziva rose wearily from her position on the couch and made her way to the bedroom.

"Sure, Ziva. I'll call right now." McGee had already dialed Abby as Ziva made her way to the bedroom.

"Abby? Yeah, Ziva needs you to come over and help her with Tony. What? No, I'm already here. I just stopped by to check on them. No, he's not doing so great. It was Ducky's idea. You know she really needs the help if she asked me to call you. Yeah, I'll stay, too. See you in awhile. Ok, bye."

Gibbs waited in silence as McGee finished the call and raised an eyebrow as he put his phone away. "She coming?"

"Of course she's coming, Boss. We'd do anything for Tony and Ziva. You know that." Tim furrowed his brow. "And when I say, 'we,' I mean Abby and I. You obviously don't fit into that category, anymore." He paused, pacing around the room. "What the hell, Boss? I mean, just…what the hell?"

McGee's intended tirade was interrupted by Ziva coming back down the hallway to grab her phone. Without looking at either guest, she dialed quickly and began giving her address and requesting an ambulance.

Gibbs and Tim exchanged worried glances and both followed Ziva back down the hallway to the bedroom. Tim reached the bedside as Gibbs entered the room. McGee looked up as Ziva paced, giving Tony's recent medical background to the operator. "He's burning up, Boss."

Abby and Ducky arrived at the hospital an hour behind McGee and Gibbs, and rushed into the waiting room to find a sobbing Ziva on Gibbs' shoulder. As Ducky approached to inquire about Tony's condition, Abby hesitated and couldn't help notice the scowl on Tim's face. As he rose and made to leave the room, she touched him on the shoulder, her inquisitive look words enough. He softened his gaze, and sadly shook his head, brushing past her into the hall.

**Oooh, did I just knock off Tony?**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I can't apologize enough for the long hiatus. My bunnies simply ran away and never returned home. I am going to try very hard to finish this up for all of you, but I can't promise regular postings, still. RL is just way too demanding these days. I've received several PMs begging for more and this is just a 'thank you so much' to tide you over until I can plan out where I want this story to end.**

Ziva paced the floors of the waiting room, while Gibbs sat silently and morosely in the corner. What the former didn't and the latter chose not to notice was one Timothy McGee skulking in the shadows, silently stalking and protecting at the same time. Under normal circumstances, the former Marine and former assassin would not have tolerated such abysmal tailing, but neither had the focus to address the matter.

"Sit down, Ziva. You're wearing a hole in the tile," Gibbs patted the chair next to him with as much gentleness as one would expect from a caffeine addict in withdrawal. At the stern stare directed towards him, he attempted again. "For the baby, at least? Kid's gonna be stressed out before birth."

At this, Ziva openly scoffed. "Gibbs, I lost the baby two days ago." Never one to mince words or waste emotion, she continued her ritual without missing a beat while the two men in the room gaped in wonder and horror.

After opening and closing his mouth in his own unintentional impersonation of a fish, Tim scrubbed his weary face with his hands before voicing the question hanging like so many elephants in the room. "Does Tony know?"

"Do not be ridiculous, McGee," she glowered. "Of course not." Pacing resumed, crisis seemingly averted.

Gibbs sighed and abandoned his post as the lone semblance of serenity in the intense atmosphere. "You plannin' on telling him?" When he received no response, nor pause in movement, he stepped into her line of motion and reached his hand out to her shoulder. "Ziver? Are you going to tell him?"

"Well, gee, Gibbs, let me think. Should I tell him now and finish the job? Or, should I plan on placing increasingly large pillows under my shirt until he is well enough to handle the news?" She threw up her arms in exasperation. "What would you have me do? It is an easy enough choice, yes? And we have had so much free time to talk! What is going on between you two? Is this about what happened in the basement, still? I believe you owe me an explanation. Or, he does. But, since you are here and he is in surgery…again…you will do." She poked his shoulder with her finger for added emphasis.

If Gibbs was shocked at the outburst, he covered it well, but McGee gawked at the words spewing out of her mouth like so much vomit. His mind raced at the speed of her rant, 'Had Ziva lost her mind when she lost the baby? How much did she already know about what happened between Tony and Gibbs? And more importantly, what in the _hell_ had happened in Gibbs' basement?'

Gibbs took a deep breath, closed his eyes briefly and looked Ziva straight in the eye when he finally spoke. "You need to sit down. You need to calm down and think. What are you going to do now? "

She returned his gaze as if he'd suddenly grown another head. "What do you mean, 'what am I going to do now?' I am going to wait for word on Tony. What else would I do?"

McGee threw an irritated glance at their boss. This whole situation was unraveling faster than he could absorb. He needed backup, but absolutely dreaded pulling Abby into this. It would crush her just as surely as it would crush Ziva. 'What would Tony do?' he thought tiredly. 'Oh God. This is going to kill Tony. And maybe finish off their relationship for good.' The mere thought of it made him want to punch Gibbs in his smug face. Physically shaking off his mental cacophony, he turned and walked down the hall without another word.

Gibbs raised his brows as he glanced in the direction McGee had just headed, but said not a word in regards to his departure. Instead, he refocused his attention on the young agent still walking the floors in front of him. "Ziva. What are you going to do now?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?" She plopped into a chair, irritated with the world at large.

Gibbs shrugged as he sat again beside her. "Seems like a logical question."

Ziva laughed, a strange broken sound that did not quite match the expression on her face. "Nothing about my life or this situation is logical, Gibbs."

"I need to talk to you about Tony. About you and Tony." He said quietly, but firmly.

Ziva gestured to the air for him to continue, sinking lower into her seat, but maintaining silence.

"How are you, Ziva? Are you alright? Do you need to see the doctor?" He started again, more gently.

"No, Gibbs. It is fine. The emergency doctors had already told me the signs to watch for. It was very early in the pregnancy, and apparently, miscarriages happen more often than one would wish." She straightened in her chair, her body language and expression closing off for further discussion on the matter.

Gibbs ran his hand over his face and took a deep breath before continuing. "I can see that you are physically fine, but you don't seem to be handling it…at all. Have you thought about what you are going to tell Tony, at least?"

"I will tell him the truth, Gibbs. When he is ready to hear it. Now is not the time," she sighed.

"There's never a good time for the kind of conversation you two need to have." He leaned back in his chair and studied the grimy ceiling. "The longer you wait, the angrier he'll be."

She raised her brow at him, then furrowed it in thought. "You know this was not his fault. It could not have been prevented. He did what he had to do to protect me and our baby." She looked towards the dark night out the window as a lone tear slid down her cheek. "It probably would have happened, anyway. You read the files after Somalia."

"Yeah, yeah I did. It was a long shot to begin with, I know. Is it what you wanted, though? Were you two happy about this?"

Ziva turned to him, her face a mixture of regret and anger. "What are you implying Gibbs? That this was an accident? That we would not have been happy with our child? Just say what you have to say," she growled.

"Ziva," Gibbs breathed and placed a hand on her shoulder, "I just wonder if the only thing holding you two together was a baby that is no longer going to be born. When you showed up in my basement that night, you were ready to throw in the towel. I just have to wonder how bad things were to bring you there that night. Then, suddenly you're pregnant and everything's fine? I don't think so."

Ziva shook off Gibbs' touch, jumping up from her seat and resuming her pacing of the waiting room. The internal struggle in her mind for the right words was clearly visible in her countenance, while Gibbs waited for the inevitable fury to be unleashed. When she had decided on what to say to him, she stopped and faced him directly. "I love Tony, Gibbs. And he loves me. And that is all there is to it."

Gibbs shook his head sadly. "Sometimes love just isn't enough, though, Ziva. And I think you two are beginning to realize that. I just don't want either of you to wait until it's too late and it tears all of us apart."

Ziva paled, realization suddenly dawning on her. "Is this why Tony was acting so strangely the past week? Did you already have this conversation with him? He was not hallucinating when he kept telling you to 'get out.' He did not want you in our home. And yet, like the father you are to him, he took what you said to heart and has been keeping me at a careful distance. What did you say to him, Gibbs?" She approached him, forcefully. "You tell me! You tell me right now!"

Gibbs stood and took two careful steps towards the shaking woman. "I simply told him what I am telling you now, Ziva; that you two have been mistaking love for loyalty, friendship, and comfort. They aren't the same thing, and it's time to stop pretending before there's no going back. And you both needed to hear it from someone; might as well be me." He shrugged.

As she struggled to register Gibbs' words, Ziva was subconsciously aware of a rapidly approaching form to her left. What she witnessed next was something that would stay with her for the rest of her days. McGee had returned, only to punch Gibbs square on the jaw and send him landing back into the chair he had so recently vacated. Before either of them could react, his menacing form towered over the lead agent and snarled, "Get out of here. Get out of here before I finish off what I'm sure Tony would do to you right now."

When McGee turned to Ziva, his face left no room for argument. "Ziva, Abby is waiting downstairs to take you home for awhile. I ran into Ducky in the hall and he said Tony will be in surgery and recovery for at least four more hours before you'll be allowed to see him. Let's go." He gently took her by the arm and led her out of the room, without a single glance back in Gibbs' direction.

As he rounded the doorway of the waiting room, Tim called back over his shoulder, "You'd better not be here when I get back."

Gibbs sat up in his chair and rubbed at his jaw. McGee had clearly gotten better at hand to hand. 'What just happened here?' he thought to himself. He rose and headed toward the door, intent on locating the nearest source of caffeine, only to run into Ducky.

"Ah, Jethro. I was just coming to find you. I assume Timothy took Ziva home for a bit?" The older man scanned around the otherwise empty room, his gaze coming to rest on his friend's face. "I say, are you quite alright? What on earth happened to you?" He reached out his hand to turn Gibbs' red and rapidly bruising cheek into the light and study it better, but before he could get a good look, was shrugged off by the former Marine.

"Lost a fight I didn't know I was in, Duck. How's DiNozzo doing?" He diverted.

Ducky pursed his lips at the man, but made no attempt to argue or fish for details. "He is still in surgery. He'd ruptured some internal stitches, and it looks as if he is septic, but I am confident they will be able to repair the damage. He will, unfortunately, have a much longer hospital stay in his future, along with a much more difficult recovery. Where are you off to, then?"

"Was just gonna make a coffee run. You want somethin'?" Both men stepped into the hall, but before the doctor could reply, Gibbs was pinned against the wall by a fuming McGee.

As he fisted the collar of his shirt in both hands, he shook it for emphasis, "What the hell is wrong with you? You just can't leave well enough alone! Are you such a miserable sonofabitch that you can't allow anyone else to be happy? Where do you get off?"

"I'm gonna get off all over your ass if you don't let me go, McGee."

McGee, quickly realizing he would be mauled by the old Marine removed his hands, but gave no ground. "Do you actually want to kill them? Is that what would make you happy? Cuz you keep it up, it just might happen!"

After gaping, holding his breath, and putting the pieces of the puzzle together, Ducky finally broke the staring contest between the two agents. "Just what in God's name happened here tonight?"

"Oh, nothing much, Ducky. Gibbs here decided it would be a good idea to tell a woman who just suffered a miscarriage that she and her fiancé in surgery who doesn't even know about his baby should stop playing house and grow up." He turned back to Gibbs. "That about sum it up?"

Ducky furrowed his brow, trying to play catch-up without an adequate summary. "Oh, dear. Ziva lost the baby? When?"

Gibbs rolled his shoulders to straighten his collar and stance and quietly replied, "Two days ago."

"And I assume she has not had the time or ability to tell Anthony about it? Such a burden for her to carry alone. What did you say to her, Jethro?" The old doctor shook his head in disgust.

Gibbs stared at the other two men, willing them into silent submission with his steely gaze.

"What, Gibbs? Cat got your tongue? You sure had plenty to say a few minutes ago." McGee seethed.

"Timothy, please. While your anger is certainly not misplaced, it will not help either of our friends. But, Jethro, I told you to fix this, not make it worse. And you have gone and purposely and calculatingly done just the exact opposite. Pray tell, what is going through that thick head of yours, these days?" Ducky admonished his friend, crossing his arms in wait of an adequate reply.

"Why don't any of you see how unhealthy their relationship is? I can't be the only one who sees it! Those two people have about as much business being together as two suspects in interrogation!" Gibbs bellowed.

"That is not your judgment to make, Jethro. You are their boss, but more importantly you are their friend. What you are doing now is not being supportive, or constructive. You are simply abusing your power to play god. _That_ is unhealthy."

McGee crossed his arms and leaned back against the opposite wall. "You're wrong," he said.

The older men turned to face the young agent with questioning glances.

"You weren't in that cell in Somalia. You didn't hear what I heard, or see what I saw. They have every right to be together. In spite of their crazy way of doing things and all the hell they've gone through to get where they are…" McGee sighed. "They deserve it. More than any other two people I know."

"Deserve what, McGee? To be miserable the rest of their lives?" Gibbs scoffed.

"Tony didn't get that mission over on everyone to play hero or soothe his conscience. He went there to die. He wasn't planning on coming back, and he was so far gone, he didn't really care who he had to take down, or drag down with him, to get to hell." McGee pushed off the wall and straightened himself up. "Ziva was a dead woman walking. Yes, she was alive, but her soul was already gone. You could see it in her eyes. There was nothing left to save, and I'll never need to read the reports to know the how or the why. But, when Tony…said something to her…that spark came back. Those two broken people have something together that none of us here can even imagine. I don't know if it's jealousy, or ego, or what with you, but who the hell are you to take that away from them? Whatever your problem is, Gibbs, you better get your head on straight. 'Cuz the only person ripping this team apart right now is you." And having spoken his piece, Tim walked away, leaving a steaming boss and a saddened doctor behind him.

"I think our young Timothy has just spoken with wisdom and understanding beyond his years. And it would do you well to heed every bit of it, Jethro. I don't know what it's going to take to get through to you, but the bottom line is…sometimes, even you, are wrong. And this is most certainly one of those times. Now, I am going to go check in on Anthony's surgery. I suggest you use this time to go and think with your boat while the rest of us try to repair the damage that you've done."

**Wow, how about that for a make-up chapter? I think this is the longest I've written yet! Perhaps the muse has been jump started? ;)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Well, lucky for you all I got stuck in the hospital with another kidney stone; churned this baby out just to take my mind off the pain! Enjoy!**

Ziva was seething on the ride back to her house. She was desperately trying not to take it out on Abby, whom she knew was only doing her a favor by driving her home, but one more annoying comment and Ziva feared she would actually snap her neck. And it was getting more and more difficult to keep her mouth shut about everything that had gone on the last week. She did not want to heap any grief upon her friend, unnecessarily. Whether that was because she wanted to spare her the pain or because her own control was being maintained by such a tenuous grasp did not matter. She did not want to talk; she wanted to sleep…possibly forever. Ziva was not even certain that she had the strength to go back to the hospital and sit with Tony tonight. She had replayed and reanalyzed everything that Gibbs had said to her tonight, and she understood now why Tony was having doubts. Their boss had an uncanny way of getting inside her mind and making her rethink everything she thought she knew. She completely empathized now with his distancing, because she herself felt the instinct to do the same until she had figured everything out for herself.

So entranced was Ziva in her own headspace, that Abby had already said her name several times before contemplating touching the former assassin (which was something no one on the team took lightly). She had tried to keep the mood light in the car, but two blocks past the hospital, finally succumbed to the silence she knew her friend was craving. Something had definitely happened between the time she left the waiting room to fetch the car and when Ziva came down to the curb. Tim had assured her that Tony was holding his own, and surely Ziva would not have left the hospital if he had taken a turn for the worse. The only thing that had persuaded Abby herself to leave was the knowledge that Tony's baby was essentially in her care, since Ziva was too exhausted and worried to care for herself. She considered it an honor to make sure that mother and child were well cared for during this stressful time. She decided on getting out of the car, hoping the sound of the door would snap Ziva out of her trance and entice her to follow up to the apartment. Sure enough, her tired friend followed her to the entrance of the building and slowly, wearily up the stairs to their door.

Once they were safely inside, Ziva made straight for the bedroom without a glance in Abby's direction. She toed off her shoes and pulled back the covers, burrowing into them out of sight. Still in the living room, Abby frowned at the offense and thinking better of her selfishness, followed Ziva back to the bedroom.

"Ziva? Are you okay? Is there something wrong? Besides the obvious, of course, but I mean, you're acting…I dunno, like something major happened at the hospital. You'd tell me if something happened to Tony, though, right? I mean, Tony's okay, right?" Abby rocked back and forth on her feet, peering into the room for Ziva's form.

Ziva huffed and pulled the thick comforter from her head. "I know as much as you about Tony's condition, Abby. He was still in surgery when we left, but Ducky assured us that we would not be able to see him for several more hours, even after surgery was complete, so unless something has happened since we left, Tony is the same."

Abby teared up a bit in spite of herself. "Well, gee, you don't seem like you care much if something _does_ happen to the father of your child!" she sniffed. When she immediately noticed the sign of her friend shaking with silent sobs under the covers, she could've headslapped herself.

"Ohmygosh, Ziva! I didn't mean it! Of course you care! I'm so sorry…" Abby gingerly climbed onto the other side of the bed, gently peeling the blankets away to find her friend's tear-stained face.

Ziva wiped her face angrily with her hand, ashamed at acting so weak over something she had already had two days to get used to. "He is not the father of my child, Abby. There is no child; I miscarried already."

Abby's hand flew to her mouth in shock and sadness. When she'd had a minute to recover, she scooted down as close to Ziva as she dared. "Oh, Ziva…why didn't you tell anyone? Are you alright? We could have helped you. Is this what put Tony back in the hospital? Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"

Ziva sat up abruptly and scooted herself to rest against the headboard, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them tightly. She rested her chin on her knees as wayward tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "Tony does not know, yet, Abby. He was so sick already and acting so…strangely, that I did not dare put this on him, as well. I do not know how I am going to tell him." She buried her face in her knees and sighed, trying to fight the uncharacteristic break-down.

Abby perched herself carefully beside her friend and began rubbing Ziva's arm tenderly. "Do you need to go to the hospital, Ziva? Should you even be home? I'll take you right now. A miscarriage is a major physical event. It's no wonder you're so exhausted. I don't know how you're doing this, right now. Please, let me help you."

"I had already been told what to expect and when to seek medical attention in regards to the miscarriage. I am alright. It was very early in the pregnancy, so it was not as traumatic as you might think."

"Well, physically maybe, but Ziva, you are definitely not okay. You are under so much stress already; I just wish there was something more I could do for you." Abby whined.

"I am sorry, Abby. It was not my intention to pull you down with me," Ziva sniffed. "I am already going to put Tony through so much more pain."

"Listen to me, Tony loves you. If anything he is going to be mad at himself because you went through this alone. It was killing him to be held up in the hospital while you were here without him. He even actually asked me and Tim for help, since he couldn't do it himself. He asked, Ziva! Maybe to some people that's not a big deal, but for our Tony, that speaks volumes. I know you don't want him to suffer any more than he already is, but maybe if you were suffering together…I dunno, it just wouldn't be as bad?" The usually happy Goth tried to make her optimism sound as natural as possible, instead of as forced as it was in her mind.

Ziva lifted her head and smiled weakly at Abby. "Thank you for trying to put a positive spin on this, really. But, I just do not know if there is no baby what will hold Tony and I together, Abby. It certainly will not be our shared grief."

"Ziva! Oh my god, what are you saying? Tony loves you! You love Tony! Of course you will share your grief, and then move on and live as happily ever after as you two can in this line of work! Why would you even say that?" Now, Abby was well and truly freaking out.

"I do not think Tony feels as surely about all of that as you do. I am not even sure I feel as strongly about all of it as you, anymore." She began to sob again and dropped her head back to her knees. "I do not know what to think or feel, anymore. And I wish I would just stop crying about it already!" She leapt off the bed in one move, angrily wiping her face as she walked aimlessly around the bedroom.

Abby carefully climbed off the bed, unsure how to proceed. She began pacing on the other side of the room, her brow furrowed in thought, until the proverbial light bulb clicked over her head and she spun around to face Ziva. "Something happened at the hospital tonight, didn't it? Tim was suddenly acting all weird and agitated and then you wanted to come home instead of staying with Tony. What is going on with everyone? At first, I thought it was just the baby secret, but there's more to it than that, isn't there, Ziva?"

Ziva sighed and slumped against the bureau. She knew she wasn't going to be able to keep Gibbs' favorite in the dark forever, though she could not bring herself to talk badly of him to Abby, so she just went with the facts. "Gibbs does not think Tony and I should be together. He thinks that we do not actually love one another, that it is just easy for us to be together. Convenient, I suppose. Playing pretend, yes? He spoke to me about it in the waiting room." She began pacing her side of the room again and stood still, bowing her head and raising her hand to rub at her gnawing headache. "I found out that he also said these things to Tony while he was in the hospital before. Tony did not mention it to me, but clearly was upset about it and acting differently when he came home. I think," she stopped and took a deep breath, meeting Abby's eyes, "I think that Tony believes him." She fought back another wave of sobs and crumpled to the ground, burying her face in her hands. "I think I am starting to believe Gibbs, as well," her muffled words seeped out through strangled cries.

Abby narrowed her eyes and contemplated how she would torture Gibbs before coming back to the present and scurrying over to Ziva. She plopped down on the floor beside her and wrapped both arms around her snugly, pulling Ziva over to her embrace. When Ziva gave in and didn't resist, Abby knew it was bad. "Now, you listen to me. And you listen carefully. You cannot let anyone plant the seeds of doubt in your mind that were not already there to begin with. So, even though I might hurt him, we can't blame Gibbs. That being said, he had no right to put this on you guys right now, with everything else that is going on. I don't care how Tony has been acting or what Gibbs said to him, I know this, Ziva. Tony loves you. That man loves you with his whole heart in a way that most women only dream of being loved. He hasn't been himself lately because he was just shot…shot protecting you and your baby. And he would do it a million times again, with or without a baby in there because that's how much he loves you. But, Tony also loves Gibbs. So, of course he is going to take anything that he says seriously and to heart. But, I guarantee you, that if he had to pick between you two, Tony would pick you every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Because he loves you. And I know that you love him. I don't care what excuses you make, you do. You two just have some screwed up way of dealing with your feelings by pushing people away. I get why you both do that, I really do, but it has to stop. I know life is scary, and for you guys it's a crap shoot most days. I know commitment is something that you both fear and aren't really good with, but I don't think you guys have bothered to notice that you've been committed to each other for a long time, now. Even when you were both dating other people, you put each other first. You have been more than partners for many years. So, now you've just made it official, so what? Don't let putting that shiny stamp on it scare you off. And don't let Gibbs' stupid rules dictate how you run your lives. At the end of the day, you don't come home to Gibbs. You get to come home to each other. And that is something special and something worth fighting for."

Abby paused to catch her breath as Ziva's sobs became replaced by hiccups. "And another thing, Ziva," Abby clutched her shoulders to bring Ziva's face to eye level, "a miscarriage _is_ really hard on a woman's body, no matter what those stupid ER doctors said. All the hormones right now are definitely messing with your mind, because I have never seen you cry so much in all the years I've known you. Don't let them mess with you and Tony, too. Wait until things calm down. Talk to Tony. Tell him about the baby and see how he responds. I promise you he will be there for you, hospital stay, or not. And he deserves to know. If at the end of your leave from work, you still feel this way, then that's something else. But, for just right now, you guys need to be there for each other and forget all about stupid Gibbs and his stupid mouth. Okay?" Abby squeezed her friend gently, for reassurance.

Ziva returned the hug gently and sat back up, disentangling herself from Abby's embrace and wiping her face. "Okay, Abby. I think I can manage that. We should get back to the hospital. Tony will most likely be coming out of surgery, soon."

Abby pushed herself up, extending a hand to pull Ziva up as well. "Well, he will be in recovery for awhile after that. And, we haven't really been gone all that long. Go take a shower and get freshened up; it'll make you feel better and clear your mind, and I'll make you something to eat. You still need to take care of yourself, or you'll end up in the hospital next." She smiled hopefully and squeezed her friend's hand.

Ziva pushed her hair back from her damp face and sighed. "Thank you, Abby. You are too good to me." She leaned forward and wrapped the surprised Goth in another hug. "I think you are right…about everything." She stepped back, smiled softly and turned to leave the room.

"I certainly _hope_ so," Abby muttered under her breath.


End file.
